"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Culinary Smurf"

Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo
Culinary is
          ready to get cooking

Reporter: To wrap up my interviews with the Smurfs who have smurfing behind the scenes in Greedy's kitchen for this installment of Inside Stories, I would like to smurf with the Smurf who likes to smurf the meals of the village, the main courses as well as the side dishes. He's a very good cook who would be welcome to be the head chef if it was ever given to him, but he's too humble in own opinion to ever accept such a responsibility. His name is Culinary, and today we're going to see what it's like for him to smurf in the kitchen doing his job, and why he likes smurfing it so much.

(Reporter enters the kitchen and sees Culinary busy chopping some vegetables to put into a stew that's boiling in a kettle, whistling the Smurf song as he adds the ingredients.)

Culinary: Hallo, Reporter. Doesn't the stew smurf good today?

Reporter: It certainly does, Culinary. I see that you like smurfing a lot of vegetables into the stew to make sure it's nice and smurfy to eat.

Culinary: That is just the way I like it, Reporter, full of the goodness that smurfs from the garden. I want to make sure all of Farmer's fruits and vegetables get smurfed so that nothing smurfs to waste. Every Smurf needs to have all the right nutrients so that their bodies will smurf nice and strong, and for the little Smurflings, so that they will grow to be big and strong. That is what I hope to smurf with Baby Smurf as well, because no Smurf should ever be weak and sick.

Reporter: And I see that you're a very big user of spices, to make sure everything smurfs a good flavor.

Culinary: Yah, I make sure that what I cook smurfs the right kind of spices and seasonings so that everything smurfs out just the way every Smurf would want it to smurf. Of course, Zipper is the Smurf who likes everything really hot and spicy, which I try to please every now and then when we smurf his favorite foods. But not everyone likes things spicy, and Grouchy is always tough to please when it comes to spicing up foods. I don't want to disappoint him, but trying to please everybody with my cooking is not easy.

Reporter: You always seem to please Greedy with your cooking. Does it bother you that he smurfs the top billing for all your hard work?

Culinary: Greedy smurfs as hard as any one of us in the kitchen, but I do believe he deserves to smurf a break. I try to smurf over for him, but I'm just not the master chef that he is. He has no complaints about my food, but that's because eating is what he likes the most, both on the job and off it. I'm more than happy to be smurfing for him regardless of whether I smurf credit for my work or not.

Reporter: And how do you feel about your co-workers who smurf in the kitchen with you?

Culinary: I couldn't ask for a better crew than the one that I smurfed up with as a young Smurfling. Biscotti, Gelato, Vino...they're like my brothers. Even though they are of different clans, I feel we just bond together because we all smurf the same passion of smurfing up food for our fellow Smurfs. They like to share recipes with me, and I with them, and one time we smurfed together something new when the village got sick of a meal Greedy had smurfed.

Reporter: And that something new was what Biscotti and Gelato called pizza. That was the best thing I ever smurfed that didn't come from Greedy.

Culinary: Greedy thought it was the best thing also, as did Vino. Now it's competing with my own meals and Greedy's because every Smurf wants Biscotti to smurf up more of those pizza pies. Sometimes I even regret the thought that I helped smurf it.

Reporter: That's a shame you would think that, Culinary. At least they're not smurfing cakes and desserts all the time from Biscotti's bakery.

Culinary: I feel jealous that Biscotti, Gelato, and Vino smurf their own businesses when they're not smurfing with me in the kitchen. It also makes smurfing in this kitchen lonely at times when it's just me and Greedy smurfing things together. Sometimes it's like a family that's growing apart, and I can't help but stay behind and try smurfing on without them because I feel loyalty is very important. Fortunately they're not gone for too long, and I for one am grateful when they smurf back to the kitchen and smurf things like we used to.

Reporter: One thing that's been on the mind of the readers is that the Smurfs are rarely seen smurfing meat, although you and the kitchen staff do smurf eggs. What do you have to smurf about that?

Culinary: It's not that I have a problem with anyone smurfing meat, nor does any Smurf in here. It's that Smurfs just have too much respect for animals to ever smurf meat from them. Which is what I don't get when it smurfs to Fisher smurfing for fish, and he says that he smurfs it mostly for sport rather than for food, but then I have someone like Marco who loves smurf and chips, and I try to smurf him what he wants. However, not every Smurf here is able to eat fish for some reason or another, which is why I don't make smurf and chips that often.

Reporter: But you do smurf up these foods that could pass for meat, like the smurfburgers, the smurf dogs, and the smurfwurst, yes?

Culinary: Yah, Reporter. I smurf ground-up mushrooms and smurf it the right kind of spices and seasonings to give it a nice meaty flavor. I like to eat smurfwurst with a side order of sauerkraut, which very few Smurfs like to eat.

Reporter: And that thing you, Greedy, and Biscotti smurf up every year for the Harvest Feast...the cornucopia. It must smurf a lot of work to smurf up with something for the Smurfs to eat as the main course if they can't eat turkey like humans do.

Culinary: Too true. It makes me smurf of the Horn Of Plenty from the Land Of Plenty that Papa Schlumpf asked the Great Plentiful if he could use when Mother Nature accidentally smurfed all the food in the forest into ruins right before winter. It is a symbol for us to never smurf any of our blessings from the forest for granted, which is why I want the Smurflings to make sure that they eat all their vegetables.

Reporter: This bond you smurf with your co-workers has been since you and they were Smurflings being raised by your parent Smurfs. What was it like for you back then?

Culinary: Ah, my Papa Schlumpf is such a hard worker, and so is my Mama Schlumpf. They could never smurf a break from their work, and they want to make sure that I'm the best cook there is in the village. My Papa Schlumpf and Greedy's Papa Schlumpf were rivals in the kitchen, always trying to outsmurf each other as far as who would smurf the best anything. Biscotti and Gelato's Papa Schlumpf was also a good cook, but he never smurfed the point of competing for any title...he just enjoyed what he smurfed and that was it. Vino's Papa Schlumpf mostly smurfed the wines and the drinks, so there wasn't anything he could smurf that would put him in competition with my Papa Schlumpf or Greedy's.

Reporter: It must be pretty tough to decide who was the best when they both smurfed their best. I would smurf that losing them to that disease years ago had smurfed that question to rest.

Culinary: I do not want to think of that time, because it was just so hard to lose my Papa and Mama Schlumpf when we were just smurfing to be good cooks. I promised my Papa Schlumpf that I would always try to smurf my best, and I will smurf my word on that to the end. Empath's Papa Schlumpf was left with so many children to smurf after that it was amazing how the village managed to survive after all these years without our parents. It was a good thing Greedy smurfed over as the head chef and smurfed our directions from him, even if half the time he didn't know what he was smurfing and we had to smurf him some things about being the head chef that he would have smurfed if his Papa Schlumpf was still living.

Reporter: So, Culinary, what did you think Empath was like back then when he first smurfed into the village years ago?

Culinary: I was thinking, "How could a Smurf like him live like he wasn't really a Smurf", because the way he smurfed into the village from Psychelia, he was so dispassionate, like he was smurfed with no emotions. He was also so afraid of being touched by anyone, and being seen in just a hat and pants was so embarrassing to him. On the other hand, he was so curious about everything Papa Schlumpf said that he was, so I helped him be acquainted with the local cuisine of the village. There wasn't anything smurfed in the kitchen that he didn't try out, even if there were some things that he didn't like smurfing.

Reporter: And what do you think of Empath now that he's home for good?

Culinary: Ah, that he's such a changed Smurf who isn't afraid of being a Smurf, other than the fact that he now wants to smurf a shirt. He likes to smurf out everything that I cook in the kitchen and even smurf suggestions of his own. He at one time smurfed over as the head chef when Greedy was sick, and he was such a good cook that most of the Smurfs wanted him to stay as head chef for good when Greedy smurfed better. However, Greedy didn't smurf that over too well and decided he was going to leave the village and smurf his skills elsewhere.

Reporter: That was when Greedy ended up serving that gnome, King Gorge, who wouldn't let him go or even let him smurf his son Prince Pyro out for a day of fishing.

Culinary: How could that smurf of lard ever call himself a king and neglect the son that he has, is beyond me. Fortunately, Empath, Tapper, Duncan, and Smurfette helped straighten the whole matter out, and things smurfed out better for the king and his son, and Empath gladly smurfed over the reins to Greedy without anyone complaining about it. Empath feels better now that he's back to smurfing the role of the assistant counselor.

Reporter: How do you feel about Empath and Smurfette smurfing together for two years straight?

Culinary: Smurfette is such a fine young lady that I was hoping that she would smurf her heart to me someday, but now that it has been given to Empath, I could only say that I wish that I was in his smurfs right now, because he seems to know what pleases her and he would smurf anything to make sure she is happy. Of course, what they aren't doing right now is smurfing a date for when they're going to get married, because Empath wants her to smurf up her own mind about who she wants to smurf the knot with, and I would be grateful to Empath if Smurfette decides that she would want to marry me instead.

Reporter: What if there's like another village full of female Smurfs out there in the world, Culinary? Would you think you might find someone among them you'd want to settle down with instead?

Culinary: If there's the right kind of Smurfette for me, Reporter, then I would definitely consider it. It might break Smurfette's heart, though, but I know that she would want her fellow Smurfs to be happy as well.

Reporter: You seem reluctant about letting go of Smurfette, even if she does decide to get married to Empath in the near future.

Culinary: Ah, she is such a rare prize to have, being the only female adult Smurf there is among us, and she's so lovely and beautiful that I would smurf days just thinking what it would be like to marry her and smurf a family with her. But would she want to smurf her days smurfing in the kitchen with me, just like my Mama Schlumpf? I would hope that she would not have to marry any of us only to regret her choice later on. If Hefty was the one she's want to marry, for example, she would spend her days smurfing up after him from his workouts. And who knows what would happen if it were Handy or Greedy or Farmer or Jokey or even Clumsy.

Reporter: I guess none of us would really know for sure, but I'm glad Smurfette is not in any rush to smurf to the altar with any Smurf anytime soon.

Culinary: Sometimes relationships have to be like my cooking...it has to be smurfed slowly and smurf the right kind of spices and seasonings at the right time to make sure things smurf out with the right kind of flavor for everyone. Well, mostly for the Smurfs in the relationship, but also for their friends and family.

Reporter: Interesting bit of wisdom. And there we have it, folks, the end of our Inside Stories interviews with the cooks of Greedy's kitchen. Thanks for letting me smurf with you, Culinary.

Culinary: Yah, it's been a real pleasure.

Click on this!