"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Sweepy Smurf"

Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo
This Smurf's
          going for a clean sweep

Reporter: Here we are, with another new installment of Reporter's Inside Stories. Today we'll be smurfing to one of our fellow Smurfs whose name and reputation isn't very popular, but not for reasons like with Jokey, Brainy, Sneaky, or Nudie, who make us all wish for the worst to happen. His name is Sweepy, and he's the village chimney sweep who makes his smurfing out of cleaning every Smurf's chimney even as he smurfs a mess in other Smurfs' houses smurfing the job. Today we'll be smurfing with him about why he likes his job so much and what he does about the Smurfs who don't appreciate his work.

Sweepy: (from the top of Reporter's chimney) Here I come, mate! Smurf out below!

(Sweepy comes down into Reporter's house through the chimney and fills the room with a cloud of soot, causing Reporter to cough and open up a window.)

Sweepy: There! That ought to smurf the trick! I guess I'm right on time to smurf your interview with me, Reporter.

Reporter: That was quite the entrance you smurfed for one, Sweepy. Don't you try to make it a point to warn your fellow Smurfs that you'd be smurfing down their chimneys?

Sweepy: I try to do that, mate, but you know not every Smurf thinks that they should be ready for me to smurf through the chimney to give it a good sweep. I don't do it because I want to mess up people's houses, because I know how nice and neat everybody wants things to be when I'm through with my job. My poor cousin Tidy is perhaps the Smurf who likes my job the least because he smurfs through the trouble of doing laundry and smurfing houses to be nice and clean.

Reporter: I'm pretty much aware of that. Yet it doesn't bother you much that your fellow Smurfs don't appreciate your work because it's so necessary.

Sweepy: Aye, it's a real heartsmurfer, all right. Sloppy understands what it's like to smurf another of the dirty jobs around the village, and so does Recycler, because there will always be garbage and manure as long as there will be Smurfs who will produce it. But imagine what the village would be like if there were no Smurfs around to smurf the jobs that I or those Smurfs do on a regular basis. My fellow Smurfs would be smurfed out of their houses and homes because the smoke from their fireplaces wouldn't have any way to escape. It takes a Smurf like me with my unique skills to keep those Smurfs from smurfing their own fumes.

Reporter: Yeah, it does help for all of us to breathe easier, I can say that. I notice that you don't always carry a ladder with you when you smurf up to the chimneys.

Sweepy: Not when I have this handy-dandy little tool with me, mate! It's something my own Papa Smurf used when he was smurfing chimneys in his day, and when you combine that with a Smurf's ability to jump a good smurf upward, you can smurf even to the highest of chimneys...well, at least the ones in the village. I always like practicing my jumps by smurfing pole vaults with this thing when I'm not at my work, because you never know when such a thing might smurf in handy.

Reporter: Like when you had to smurf into Greedy's kitchen to smurf Baby Smurf out of a fire when it smurfed up in flames, correct?

Sweepy: Aye, very much so. Poor Greedy and his kitchen helpers, they just don't appreciate having me around to clean their chimneys because their jobs constantly require it. I never want to see their kitchens burn down, though, because we wouldn't be smurfing any of their great meals without them.

Reporter: I agree, Sweepy. But you do have friends in the village who help you when you feel that nobody appreciates the work that you smurf around here.

Sweepy: Tapper is one of my friends, mate. He's been smurfing with me since we were young ones with our parent Smurfs. Even before he smurfed that holy book, he and I smurfed along pretty well, he learning how to smurf up the brews for his Papa Smurf's tavern and to serve them like his Mama Smurf, and I with my Papa Smurf and his own line of work. He knows that dirty jobs are just as important as clean ones, and sometimes he wishes he could get all dirty smurfing up the important jobs like me, Sloppy, Recycler, and even Miner. I just want to be a people Smurf like him because he simply knows how to talk to his fellow Smurfs without being a snoop.

Reporter: It must be interesting to know how the both of you smurfed along quite well, even as you're now both part of the Barber Smurf Quartet that smurfed its first performance at the Smurfstock Festival.

Sweepy: Oh, me and Tapper were quite the duo, singing songs together that made the other Smurfs take notice, and then other Smurfs would just join along, and soon we would have our own little musical troupe...until Harmony tries to join along, and then everybody scatters! (Laughs.) Seriously, though, Barber decided that me, Tapper, and Miner were just smurfect for the group he wanted to smurf together for the festival, and so we smurfed a few rehearsals and made our debut, and the applause that night was so great that they wanted an encore.

Reporter: And you would have smurfed one if it wasn't for Brainy and his scheduling of the acts for the festival. Do you think you'll ever smurf another performance with the quartet if the opportunity arises?

Sweepy: Aye, I should hope so, Reporter. I would give anything to show my fellow Smurfs that I'm not just about sweeping their chimneys or Barber just about cutting a few Smurfs' hair. That's the problem some of us Smurfs have, it's that some of us have jobs that are so limited that it almost makes us feel useless most of the time, and I feel really sorry for Barber's job because there aren't many Smurfs around who have hair to cut. Tapper invites us to smurf company with him in his tavern, and we're just more than willing to smurf him about things in the village that he normally doesn't smurf about...not like we're gossips such as with the likes of Nosey and Chatty.

Reporter: And sometimes he likes to discuss things from his holy book with you.

Sweepy: Doesn't he always! I think he's so in love with this Almighty and his holy book that I would jokingly say that he should marry Him! Of course, he says that salvation with the Almighty through His Son is in a way like marriage, which I find really odd, much more so than the superstition that shaking a chimney sweep's hand is supposed to smurf good luck. But I find that he's very honest about what he believes to be true, and it's something that I don't find easy to ignore without consmurfering the consequences. I mean, who likes the idea of smurfing to a place of eternal torment for not believing in this Almighty? It may sound crazy, but then so is the idea of thinking I could smurf my life anyway I want and that I wouldn't have to smurf the piper for smurfing to his tune.

Reporter: Yeah, it's not an easy thing to talk about. Most Smurfs would rather not think about such smurfy thoughts, but we can't stop them from having those thoughts. So you said that your Papa Smurf was a chimney sweep like you...what was your Mama Smurf like?

Sweepy: She is such a proper Smurfette that my Papa Smurf loved very much, even as she had to clean up after me and him because of our jobs. She is the kind of Smurf that sometimes Smurfette reminds me of, and sometimes I wish Smurfette was like herself, who likes to be treated with respect like a lady. She would always see that I would smurf after her in some way, because it's just not becoming of a male Smurf to act so rogueish toward a Smurfette. I would hope that my Mama Smurf is treated well in the smurfy hereafter, which is where she and my Papa Smurf went to when the disease took their lives and that of the other parent Smurfs.

Reporter: And how did it smurf with you when Empath's Papa Smurf took over as the village leader after our parent Smurfs were gone, Sweepy?

Sweepy: We were all in such dire straits, mate. You know how hard it was for all of us because we didn't have any confidence in ourselves that we could be the kind of Smurfs that would be able to run a village with just Uncle Cully smurfing the whole show. But over time things just smurfed better as we grew and smurfed along with each other, and I'm proud that Uncle Cully is now my Papa Smurf in this life, even if he's different from my old Papa Smurf.

Reporter: What was it like for you to meet Empath when he first visited the village during his time in Psychelia?

Sweepy: Oh, that poor Smurf had such a stiff upper lip, it was like he was smurfed in a bath of starch! Empath was just not much fun to smurf around, even when Jokey smurfed his pranks on him and thought it was funny to see him react in his awkward manner. He couldn't understand why Smurfs like me and Sloppy were dirty all the time, and so I explained to him that dirty jobs are just part of what we are and what we smurf, and that there's nothing wrong with smurfing the dirty jobs as long as somebody benefits from them. He still didn't crack a smile, though.

Reporter: And what's your impression of Empath now? How has he changed for you over the years that you've known him?

Sweepy: I would say that he's gotten so used to the way that Smurfs live that he doesn't mind the fact that Smurfs can enjoy getting dirty smurfing jobs, like Handy does when he smurfs around in his workshop with his inventions or Farmer when he smurfs in his fields. He doesn't smurf with me much nowadays, but he's such a wonderful chap with the other Smurfs and with the Smurflings that I would want to be like him in some small way. I do think that his star-smurfed suit is a bit ridiculous to smurf at.

Reporter: What's your opinion about him and Smurfette smurfing with each other for a few years? You think those two should get married soon or what?

Sweepy: I think I should let the two of them decide which way their relationship is smurfing, Reporter, because I don't want to interfere with it in any way. I do feel rather jealous that Smurfette should be smurfing all her love and attention on Empath, because most of us have known her longer than Empath does, and she knows us much longer than she does he. But this is something only Mother Nature, Father Time, and Cupid have any real control over, and though I would want to smurf nice things for the fair maiden, I can't smurf her heart in a direction that she doesn't want to smurf.

Reporter: What if your heart gets smurfed in another direction...toward, say, a village full of female Smurfs, with one of them that is just right for you to marry?

Sweepy: If such a thing exists, then by golly, I would let the power of the Almighty, who Tapper's been smurfing me about, be my guide. I'm going to treat that Smurfette just like my Papa Smurf treated my Mama Smurf, and if she wants to go smurfing down chimneys with me, then we'll smurf down the chimney of love together. I know there are Smurfs who believe that love is crazy at times, and I for one know that it is or else I wouldn't be smurfed into this world and neither would some of my fellow Smurfs. I just don't want crazy love to be the kind of love that is totally without any thought in the world, like the possibility that Smurfette and Papa Smurf might marry. I think the entire village would be up in arms if the two of them smurfed anything that crazy.

Reporter: That's my thought as well. And so, there we have it, as we wrap up today's edition of Inside Stories. Thanks for dropping in and letting me interview you, Sweepy.

Sweepy: It's been a real nice talk with you, Reporter.

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