"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Printer Smurf"

Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo
Printer taking some time to enjoy a snack

Reporter: In this edition of Reporter's Inside Stories, we'll be smurfing with one of the staff members of the Smurf Village Voice, our daily newspaper that keeps every Smurf informed of the smurfings-on in our village and in our world. One of the staff members is our publisher Printer Smurf, who smurfs at the printing press without stop to make sure the Smurfs have newspapers and books to read, not to mention paper that smurfs from the smurfomatic paper mill that is used for all smurfs of everyday tasks. Recently, with the introduction of the smurfopedia and the "mirror-net", we were wondering how this will affect Printer's job.

(Reporter sees Printer busy in the offices of the village newspaper, working on getting the plates for the printing press finished for printing the pages.)

Reporter: Say, Printer, can we smurf a word with you?

Printer: I was just getting the pages all smurfed for tomorrow's edition, Reporter. What can I smurf for you?

Reporter: Just smurfing an interview for our readers. For starters, what made you so interested in smurfing publishing as your lifelong vocation among the Smurfs?

Printer: I just like smurfing things in print, that's all. My Papa Smurf, Guntenberg Smurf, was a signmaker and a book publisher, but until the printing press smurfed along, all he had to smurf with was ink and paint. And back then, the village didn't even have a newspaper. It was always Herald Smurf's job to deliver the news to his fellow Smurfs, and it was fine for its time. Books weren't always easy to smurf together, and very few of us even had copies of a single book, which frustrated the likes of Aristotle with his time-tested axioms and Ninette de Smurfette with her poems, because they really wanted their works to be read by all the other Smurfs.

Reporter: It was rather unfortunate that the printing press only smurfed about in our lifetimes, Printer. They would have enjoyed having their works being published in a way that Brainy and some of our fellow Smurfs enjoy having them smurfed now.

Printer: Yeah, that was my Papa Smurf's biggest regret. He could see when I was playing with my smurfing blocks and smurfing prints with them that printing was going to be the future of publication. Muscles Smurf was smurfing on the first printing press around the time the disease had smurfed him and all our parent Smurfs, which made me sad, thinking that Muscles' invention was never going to be finished. Fortunately, Handy had smurfed over the work of his own Papa Smurf, and now it's been in use for over a century.

Reporter: Amazing how that thing's been so useful, given that the village newspaper didn't smurf into existence until a few years before Empath smurfed home for good.

Printer: My only regret now is that Brainy is my constant customer, because of his Quotations books. He thinks that every Smurf is going to smurf a copy of his books, and he's always after me about the quality of the printing job and making sure each edition smurfs out on time. He visits me so often that I have to smurf him in no uncertain terms to get the smurf out of my shop and let me smurf my job, and I have to smurf the point across by smurfing a nut with my printing press, which would be what I would smurf with Brainy's head if he didn't leave.

Reporter: (laughs) I'm sure he didn't like being threatened, Printer, but at least he listens. I can see that you're a very big eater, with your favorite food being nuts.

Printer: Yes, well, printing is a job that smurfs a lot out of me, Reporter. Hand-smurfing the old printing press smurfs a lot of strength and energy, and I want to make sure I have plenty of it. Fortunately the new smurfomatic printing press doesn't smurf that much from me, but still, trying to smurf a quality job keeps me going. Besides, the old printing press is good for smurfing nuts, although I have to keep the press clean so I don't smurf any typos in the printing job.

Reporter: That's one thing me and Editor are always smurfing after you for.

Printer: You know how the village newspaper got started...you wanted to report about things smurfed in the village, Editor wanted to put what you smurfed together in a journal, and I wanted to help you Smurfs smurf it all together. It wasn't the easiest of times, smurfing all those papers together with that old hand-smurfed printing press. Sometimes I miss those days when it was all smurfed together with the old press, but at least now you don't have to worry about me smurfing nuts between printing jobs. And look at how the paper has grown since we smurfed it together...it's got horoscopes, a sports section, a weather section, a romance story section, an arts and fashion review section, a crossword puzzle section, and even a comic strip section. If anything, the paper's been a success.

Reporter: I'd have to say that the new printing press really smurfed out well, which allows you to retire the old press for smurfing less demanding printing jobs...like smurfing Brainy's books together.

Printer: Handy still has to smurf after the new press to make sure it's operating smurfly. And smurfing of the new printing press, it's nearly caused the death of Clockwork Smurf when Brainy tried to smurf him up to it during its test run in the middle of a thunderstorm. He was already so smurfed up from being smurfed by lightning when Gargamel was testing his own evil invention for capturing and baking Smurfs. But Brainy just made things worse, and he felt so guilty of smurfing that to Clockwork when Handy couldn't smurf him back into working order. That would have been the last of Clockwork if Handy hadn't thought of smurfing a whole new body for our mechanical friend.

Reporter: That made me so angry at Brainy, until I realize that Brainy gave Clockwork Smurf life by smurfing around with his innards.

Printer: We all really thought it was the end for Clockwork. King Gerard was really sad to find that out when Handy returned with Clockwork Smurfette to smurf him the news. But now that Clockwork's alive and smurfing, and is also the proud parent of a Baby Clockwork Smurf, from what Empath had smurfed me of the time he attended King Gerard's wedding, I could only wonder what will be next for him and Clockwork Smurfette, whether they will visit the village with their bundle of joy. Handy is just dying to see his little "grandsmurf", even if he feels he's too young to be a Grandpa Smurf.

Reporter: On that subject, what did you think of Empath when he first smurfed into the village years ago?

Printer: That he was like our mechanical friend? (Laughs.) Seriously, though, Empath looked like a Smurf who was smurfed into a world totally different from where he smurfed from. He just didn't act like any kind of Smurf that I have ever known, because he was so unemotional about everything. Over time, though, he warmed up to us and began to smurf himself and us for what we really are. He never smiled during his first visit, but I could tell there were things about the Smurfs that he enjoyed, like eating smurfberries and drinking sarsaparilla ale. He also liked reading books, which Brainy introsmurfed him to when he visited the house of archives.

Reporter: How do you think Empath has changed over the years, like how he is now that he's home for good?

Printer: He enjoys being a Smurf more than he did when he first found that he was a Smurf, Reporter. He enjoys smurfing the village newspaper, and I can see that he likes smurfing the daily crossword puzzles that Brainy always smurfs for it. He seems to admire us for smurfing ordinary everyday lives and personalities while he has to smurf the burden of possessing those "minds-eye" powers and abilities that he was smurfed with. Well, he says it's a burden, though I think it's more of a blessing. I enjoy the fact that he's so down-to-earth and that he's so humble and doesn't even want to smurf himself above others. I think that he may become a good village leader who will smurf after Papa Smurf when he goes into the smurfy hereafter.

Reporter: And what's your opinion of Empath and Smurfette smurfing together for a few years since he smurfed home? You think the both of them should get married soon or what?

Printer: I think the both of them are smurfing way too cautious about their relationship. My opinion is that, if I were Empath, I would make marrying Smurfette a high priority, because that's what I would smurf, and frankly, I'm jealous that Smurfette is smurfing in love with him. I know I'm not the perfect Smurf for her, though, but still, to just smurf in love with Empath and not even think of marrying him until the right time...I just don't know what smurfs on in her head to make her think that.

Reporter: Maybe, Printer, that Smurfette just doesn't want to smurf any mistakes with Empath.

Printer: That may be so. Anyway, I think she has the greatest singing voice of all the Smurfs here, and I know how much she likes to sing now. In fact, it makes Harmony jealous that he can't sing just as well as she does, and his singing alone is enough to make her cry because it's simply torture. And she knows how to smurf care of Baby Smurf and the Smurflings, so she would make a great Mama Smurf. And she's also great with smurfing flowers for the community garden beds with Vanity helping her. I mean, what's stopping her from deciding to smurf the knot with Empath? Maybe it's because she still loves us.

Reporter: I would have to smurf the same thing myself. But what would you do if Empath and Smurfette finally decide to get married?

Printer: I would smurf everything that I can to make sure they have the smurfiest wedding ever, Reporter. I'm sure Painter would be smurfing my services for smurfing invites and all, just like the time when Woody and Laconia got married. The ceremony at Bluebell Dell would have been a smurfing moment of awesome if it weren't for Gargamel smurfing up there to ruin it with his Ghoulliope. Not that it stopped the two wood elves from getting married, because Woody wanted the whole thing to be simple in the first place, and in the end we smurfed the couple exactly the kind of wedding that they wanted.

Reporter: At least they're happy, which is a smurfy thing. How about you? Don't you think you would deserve to smurf somebody that would make you happy for the rest of your life?

Printer: I already am happy with what I'm smurfing in my life, though if there's a possibility that there would be a female Smurf out there who would smurf my heart and hand in marriage, then I would consider it. I wonder if she also works as a publisher, which would make such a marriage interesting because we would be comparing notes on how we would smurf things in print.

Reporter: Just one thing that's been smurfing on my mind. With the smurfopedia and the "mirror net", there's the possibility that your job as the village publisher will someday smurf the way of all things that have smurfed and gone through our history. What do you have to smurf about that?

Printer: I do wonder about the future of publishing when it smurfs to those inventions. The way things are smurfing, with the possibility of books now being available to smurf in a format that doesn't require smurfing more paper to print them, I don't know whether to smurf it as a good thing or not. Nat and Timber like the idea that it saves the forest from being smurfed down just to smurf up paper, and of course Recycler likes making sure that we reuse what we smurf so that nothing smurfs to waste. But when it smurfs to me, it feels like I'm just a smurfing stone on the road of history and progress, and it makes me uneasy to think of a world that has smurfed entirely paperless, where everything can be smurfed through some magical device.

Reporter: With Handy wanting to resurrect the Window Vision, I feel that it would also smurf the village newspaper in jepoardy as well, because I would be wanting to smurf live reports instead of just writing them.

Printer: I'm sure that you do, Reporter. I can't stop you from being the reporter that you were smurfed to be. Anyway, I feel that the printing press will always be an important smurf of our history, smurfed between where we were and where we are smurfing to. And I think future generations will want to smurf back and appreciate what has been smurfed for their benefit. I think I owe it to the future to keep smurfing my job as long as I can so they will know for themselves what publications were like before smurfnology smurfed things over.

Reporter: That's a smurfy attitude to have, Printer. And so there we have it, as we smurf today's edition of Inside Stories to a close. I would like to thank you for smurfing time for this interview.

Printer: I hope the readers will enjoy smurfing it.

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