"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Lazy Smurf"

Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo
Lazy just grins and bears it

Reporter: Hello, fellow smurfers out there. My name is Reporter Smurf, and today in this edition of Reporter's Inside Stories, I would like to interview a Smurf who's famous for his daily habit of sleeping. You know him as Lazy Smurf, so there's no need to smurf in any detail about why he's called that. Of course, sleeping isn't his only habit, as he has smurfed another kind of habit that makes his fellow Smurfs rather concerned for him. I'm with him outside his house where... (He coughs as he finds himself breathing in some green smoke.) ...he is enjoying the day with his...uh, habit.

(Lazy is seen smoking a water pipe and blowing green smoke that he is inhaling. He notices that Reporter has just arrived.)

Lazy: Oh, hi there, Reporter. Such a nice day smurfing out here by myself. You want to take a smurf of this stuff? (He hands the water pipe to Reporter for him to take.)

Reporter: Uh, no thanks, Lazy, I'm fine. By the way, what is it that you're smurfing in the pipe just now?

Lazy: Oh, it's my special blend of catnip, mugwort, damiana, and some other kind of dream herb that I don't remember its name. It helps me to feel really relaxed and mellow when there's nothing smurfy for me to do. It tastes really delicious, though it doesn't smurf me as high as I am when I was smurfing smurfnip.

Reporter: I'm not sure why you even need to smurf this kind of habit smurfing these herbs, since you seem like a really relaxed fellow already.

Lazy: It's probably because I always want to feel so good and relaxed, Reporter. It's not easy smurfing through life having to smurf in a hard day's smurf when you don't know how you're going to smurf from one day to the next, so I like to smurf things to make me feel really calm so that I don't have to worry about a lot of things. I guess that's also why some Smurfs say that I'm addicted to snooze. (Laughs.)

Reporter: Some of your fellow Smurfs are rather concerned for you and your addiction to smurfing herbs, saying that it's bad for your health and that you could smurf away early in your life than most Smurfs. Does that matter to you or what?

Lazy: I know that they care about me, but honestly, I never felt so good without the smurfing herbs to give me that nice mellow peaceful feeling that I also get from sleeping. Tapper likes to smurf me his relaxing tea remedies which he says is better for me than smurfing herbs, but I can't help feeling the need to smurf in that nice green smoke from my smurfing herbs. I can't smurf them inside the tavern because Tapper and the other Smurfs in there don't like having to smurf in the smoke, so I have to smurf it outside along with some of the other smurfers like Nosey and Chatty.

Reporter: Besides your smurfing habit, aren't you also concerned about how your other habit of sleeping all the time affects your fellow Smurfs?

Lazy: Sometimes, Reporter. Sometimes I feel like I need to be active in my fellow Smurfs' lives and to help them smurf this village functioning as it does, but the work ends up tiring me out just as I am smurfing it. I don't mean to be always smurfing on the job whenever there's something important like preparing for a hurricane, but most of the time the village seems like it can smurf on without me smurfing much for it, and so that's why I tend to sleep so much.

Reporter: Your fellow Smurfs don't seem to appreciate having to smurf your load of the work as well as theirs, Lazy, which is why one time they tricked you into believing that you have smurfed for 300 years while the others have aged and the village was smurfing apart during the time that you were asleep.

Lazy: I know about that time, Reporter, and they really had me fooled into believing that it actually happened...only that when I smurfed one of Papa Smurf's youth potions on them, they turned out to be disguising themselves as old Smurfs after all. It was hard for me to smurf care of my fellow Smurfs when they were play-smurfing as old Smurfs, but having to smurf care of them when they actually became Smurflings was a bit too much. It was a good thing Papa Smurf found out what was smurfing on and smurfed up the antidote that restored everybody to their actual ages.

Reporter: And also the said formula smurfed Gargamel into a really old man when he smurfed the formula into the pot that he was cooking the Smurfs in. Now I hear there was this dream you were in with both Brainy and Greedy, although they weren't asleep at the time, where you were smurfed in this paradise world owned by a man named Bacchus, who turned out to have invited you only for the purpose of smurfing you and your friends into souffle a la Smurf.

Lazy: Oh, that was such a nightmare that I didn't want to smurf myself back in, and the strange part is that it smurfed so real...but then my brother Dreamy tells me that dreams have the tendency of smurfing so real that you can't always tell whether you're asleep or awake. And when Gargamel smurfed his hands on the Crown of Dreams, all our dreams became living nightmares until Papa Smurf told us that we have control over our own dreams.

Reporter: Yeah, trying to smurf ourselves awake during that time certainly wasn't fun. And there was also the time when Brainy thought that Papa Smurf had diagnosed you as having a terminal condition where you had only a few days to smurf, and that got you smurfing some dangerous things that you never smurfed before, such as taming a wild beast.

Lazy: Well, if I was going to leave this world, I wanted to make sure I left it smurfing things that I was too lazy to smurf before, and taming the wild beast in the corral was going to be my triumphant exit. Only thing is, the other Smurfs were so concerned for me that they said they had to smurf a wild bull with a harmless cow and make it smurf like I was taming a wild beast. It was when Papa Smurf revealed to me that I wasn't going to smurf away anytime soon that I started to feel really terrified of what I was smurfing, and soon we got smurfed away from the corral when the wild bull came smurfing after us.

Reporter: Okay, smurfing our discussion to your childhood, what was it like during the time when you and your brother Dreamy both lost your parents and you end up having Papa Smurf as the only parent in your life?

Lazy: I honestly felt really sad, Reporter. I guess most of us did, some because they had parents that smurfed them things that they would need to smurf later in their lives, but my parents said that I could smurf anything that I want to in my life, and I knew that they loved me and my brother Dreamy, whom they see wanted to be an explorer. I felt terrible because they would no longer get to smurf me being happy with my life, but even though Papa Smurf expected more from me than my parents ever did, I feel glad in knowing that he will always be there for me here while my parents are in the smurfy hereafter.

Reporter: But of course, getting used to having him as your only parent wasn't going to be easy, for you or the other Smurfs.

Lazy: I never saw Papa Smurf get so mad at any of us at any time except for those first 20 years when it was just us and him. We were trying our best to smurf up to his expectations, and he was also new to the idea of being our leader and sole father figure. Jokey didn't like that nobody was even laughing at his jokes during that time, so I guess that nobody among us really liked it. But Tapper must have smurfed some light at the end of the tunnel because he ended up believing that it was all going to smurf out in the long run, and eventually he smurfed out to be right, because Papa Smurf became friendly with us and we became the Smurfs that he wanted us to be...well, mostly being ourselves, that is.

Reporter: So what was it like for you when you saw Empath visit the Smurf Village for the first time?

Lazy: I think Empath was so productive as a visitor to our village that he made me feel tired just smurfing at him. I mean, this is a Smurf who smurfs like he never smurfs a break for himself, always wanting to smurf things around the village. But he also smurfed me out with his blank expressions and monotone voice. He seemed rather too calm for me, and he says that's how Psyches always act toward each other in Psychelia. So me and my friend Nabby decided to smurf him out into the woods for a picnic while everybody else was smurfing, and there we got Empath to try his first smurf of smurfnip.

Reporter: You actually had Empath smurfing that kind of herb back then?

Lazy: Oh, we were just wondering what he was smurfing when he smurfed his first few puffs, because smurfnip produces various types of hallucinations that are different with each Smurf. Most of the time it's just bright colors and rainbows and butterflies and smiling faces and lots of sparkles, but other times it can be imaginary creatures that we had trouble describing to our friends. That's the real fun of smurfnip, but nowadays Papa Smurf won't let us touch the stuff, and he only uses smurfnip to make an extract for Orbit's eye drops.

Reporter: I'm not too sure if I'd want to ask Empath about whatever it is he has smurfed while under the influence of smurfnip, Lazy. What do you think about him now that he's become more of a Smurf like us?

Lazy: I like that he always thinks about smurfing his fellow Smurfs before himself most of the time, and that he doesn't mind my being lazy, because he knows that there are times when Smurfs need to relax themselves and smurf time from their work. He isn't afraid to smile, though sometimes he does smurf that look of smurfing no emotion whenever he's thinking of something really important. I guess being in Psychelia has really helped him somewhat, though he admits that he would rather feel any emotion than feel nothing at all, even anger.

Reporter: So I guess that means you're not a big fan of Polaris Psyche and how he carries himself around the village most of the time.

Lazy: Polaris Psyche never seems to want to have any fun around here. He's so boring and acts like every Smurf has to smurf their part in making the village function smurfectly...he doesn't smurf on about it like Brainy does, but it's still so annoying. I can't see why Empath has ever made him a friend, but I guess I can't complain too much about Polaris. Sometimes I wish Brainy was more like Polaris because I really don't want to hear him smurf on and on about my habits.

Reporter: And what do you think about Empath being with Smurfette for a few years now? You think those two are right for each other or what?

Lazy: Frankly, I wouldn't know what Smurfette would see in me that would make her desire me more than she would any Smurf, including Empath. I mean, I do like her and all, but I could never see myself as the one that Smurfette would truly want to smurf in love with. All I really want out of life is to just eat and sleep, so what is Smurfette is going smurf out of that?

Reporter: So there's no thoughts of you and Smurfette ever getting married? What about thoughts of possibly meeting with a female counterpart of you if we should happen to find a village full of female Smurfs?

Lazy: Oh, really, a village full of female Smurfs with a female counterpart of me? I can't imagine there ever being such a thing. I mean, maybe somewhere down the road I would want to smurf my life with somebody, but the idea that there may be a female that would want to share my interests...well, maybe not all of them, maybe...I might as well be smurfing a whole wagon full of smurfnip in order to make that happen.

Reporter: But in the off-chance that there just may be a female Smurf who would want to smurf forever with you, would you even consider it?

Lazy: Maybe I would, I don't know. It's just not something that I always think about on a daily basis.

Reporter: Fair enough. Do you have final thoughts that you would want to share with our readers?

Lazy: Well, I was thinking of that story Narrator told me about that he was a witness to when we were talking about my smurfing habit. This story was about a teenage human named Michael who was smurfing money from his sister Corey's piggy bank in order to buy more drugs...I can't understand why humans want to smurf that just so they can get high. Not that I'm saying that children should ever get involved in smurfing any drugs, but why isn't it enough to simply educate your children about drugs so they can smurf up their own minds about them and say no?

Reporter: Maybe the humans are trying to help keep people away from the drugs so that they don't smurf any harm upon anyone, including themselves.

Lazy: They're not going to keep people away from drugs if they keep restricting access to them...I mean the ones that don't even smurf much harm to anyone. All they're going to do is smurf more people into being criminals just because they want to use them to make themselves feel good. That's not what I would call a smurfy way to win the war on drugs. If you don't trust people to make up their own minds and say no, I don't see how you're even helping.

Reporter: I didn't expect to hear this coming from you, as if you want to defend people's right to smurf drugs.

Lazy: I'm just saying this for the sake of our human readers, that's all. Whether they smurf me as being serious or not, I want to get the smurf out that prohibition when it smurfs to drugs doesn't work, but education about them does. If you want your children to make the right decision, you've got to let them be able to think for themselves instead of letting somebody higher than they are think of what's better for the people.

Reporter: Well, I guess that about does it for this edition of Reporter's Inside Stories. Thank you for letting me smurf an interview with you, Lazy.

Lazy: Thank you and have a good night, because I'm going to sleep now.

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