"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With The Smurflings"

Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo
The Smurflings perform their version of Hanson's Mmmbop
Reporter: They're the four youngest Smurfs in the village who have smurfed this entire village on its ear with their wild smurfin' music and youthful outlook, not to mention their nose for smurfing into trouble. No Smurf around here can honestly smurf they haven't been changed by them. They are Nat, Snappy, Slouchy, and Sassette, but together they are known as the Smurflings. Their song "Smurfbop", which has been the village's leading Top 40 hit song for three years straight, is now only smurfing into competition with acts such as Smurfs Without Hats, Azrael Rocks, and the new Smurfette album Ray Of Sunshine. Do they still have what it smurfs to keep the music smurfing? Let's smurf a chat with them to find out!

(Smurflings are found outside their treestump playhouse, playing around with Puppy.)

Reporter: Hey, mind if I smurf an interview with you Smurfs?

Slouchy: Oh, cool...we get to be on MWV (Music Window Vision)! Didn't you used to be the veejay?

Snappy: Hey, smurf me first, man! I want to smurf how I got the band smurfed!

Sassette: What do you mean you smurfed the band together, Snappy?

Nat: Can't you Smurfs be patient? Let the Smurf do his job and wait your turn to talk!

Reporter: Thank you, Nat. Now, how did you young Smurfs get interested in music, anyway?

Slouchy: Oh, that's simple, Reporter...we just got bored of things around here!

Snappy: Yeah, all those grown-up Smurfs telling you what to do and never letting you smurf anywhere without a grown-up!

Nat: That's how it was back on Smurfling Island, before Smurfling Pan and us broke off and became the Lost Smurflings. We just didn't think we'd be smurfing back to the same old, same old here.

Snappy: Of course, we'd still be on Smurfling Island to this day if it weren't for Baby Smurf. He was the first Smurf born on Smurfling Island, except that he could never grow up there. That's why we sent him here, so he could be raised by Smurfs and become a Smurfling himself.

Reporter: You mean you Smurfs aren't even 50 years old?!?

Nat: That's true, Reporter. We just look and act like we're 50 years old, but we sure don't feel like old-timers at all!

Snappy: Those grown-up Smurfs here, most of them smurf like they're old-timers! (Snickers mischievously.)

Slouchy: Please, somebody spare us the image of Brainy still smurfing his gums at us when he's Papa Smurf's age! (Rolls his eyes.)

Sassette: Brainy's one Smurf every Smurf gets a "kick" out of! (Laughs at her own joke.)

Reporter: So if you were so happy about being on Smurfling Island, living the carefree life of young Smurfs that could never grow up, then why did you decide to smurf here instead?

Snappy: That was Nat's idea! He got bored trying to be friends to the animals on Smurfling Island, and basically wanted to smurf other places where he could find some new interesting species to interact with.

Nat: Yeah, right, like you weren't a part of it. You got so bored of things on Smurfling Island because there was no more fantasies left for you to imagine, Snappy.

Slouchy: Well, I just wanted to start smurfing a normal life for a change. Fighting off pirates like Captain Smurfhook was fun for about several centuries, but after a while it just didn't seem like fun anymore.

Nat: So we decided to fly away to the mainland to try finding the Smurf Village.

Slouchy: Of course, we didn't have enough magic to get us any smurfer than to the shores. So we spent the next several months smurfing on foot.

Snappy: Then we ran into Puppy. Some vicious dogs led by this nasty old human called Balthazar were chasing him. Nat, being the animal hero he is, just couldn't stand to smurf one dog getting tortured by another dog. So he smurfed up a plan and the three of us got those bad dogs off Puppy's back. That was fun until we almost got our tails smurfed!

Nat: Strangely, that dog was on his way to the Smurf Village himself since that kindly old wizard Homnibus had smurfed him as a present for Papa Smurf. We didn't know that at first, we were just glad to have a pet to help us along.

Snappy: To make a long story short, Reporter, Papa Smurf didn't expect a puppy to arrive in the Smurf Village, but then he didn't expect to even see us either. We just kind of smurfed into town unannounced. Then Brainy finds us one morning smurfed out inside this treestump and he goes to tell Papa Smurf on us. And he calls us tattletales!

Slouchy: A good thing Papa Smurf didn't smurf us out of the village like Brainy would have wanted back then. He saw how ragged and dirty we looked. He made Brainy give us a bath, then Tailor tried making new Smurf suits for us.

Snappy: Boy, those grown-up Smurfs were so fashion-impaired! Tailor wouldn't have known what's new if you gave him a color test! We ended up smurfing some new threads of our own, which almost gave Tailor a smurf attack! That was a sight to smurf!

Nat: Then Handy and Architect got together and smurfed a playhouse for us to smurf in out of the treestump we found. They smurftainly made us feel right at home here.

Snappy: And then the grown-up Smurfs started smurfing us around like we were kids again. Especially Brainy, who's all bossy and wouldn't smurf up for anything! That's when we started smurfing up our own music. Basically to smurf Brainy up!

Reporter: From that night you first played "Smurfbop", you did just that and then some. But Sassette wasn't part of your group back then, nor did she come from Smurfling Island. Did you originally thought of smurfing a girl Smurfling along with you when you left that island?

Snappy: Uggh! I wouldn't want a girl Smurf to be following me here!

Slouchy: I think he means the girl Smurfs from Smurfling Island. They sure weren't anything like Sassette. A bit too much into themselves, if you ask me.

Nat: Well, I wouldn't have complained if a girl Smurf decided to join us. But none of them ever wanted to leave the island. They were having too much fun being girls there.

Sassette: And besides, I'm much cuter than any of them combined!

Snappy: You're about as cute as those toads you keep smurfing around with, Sassy!

Sassette: How would you like to have a big wart on your face, Snappy?

Reporter: Okay, let's settle down here. Now you three Smurfs were going to create a female Smurf to be Smurfette's friend, but then Papa Smurf shows up with Sassette in a crystal and you three decide to smurf her out of there with Papa Smurf's magic tuning fork. What made you decide to do that?

Slouchy: I really don't remember us ever smurfing a reason. I mean, we smurfed all the stuff necessary for creating another female Smurf, including a page from Gargamel's spell book, and there she was, just waiting to be released. So we found Papa Smurf's tuning fork on his table and just smurfed it.

Nat: We didn't know back then that she was smurfed in that crystal for about 100 years. Of course, when Sassette awoke, she didn't know that, either. She just wondered who and what she was. Fortunately, Papa Smurf smurfed back to answer her questions, though he ended up smurfing her that she was a creation of that evil wizard Gargamel.

Snappy: Unfortunately, we got busted for smurfing to Gargamel's lair to get that page for making another Smurfette, and also for smurfing into Papa Smurf's lab without permission. So we blamed the whole mess on Sassette!

Slouchy: And then she ran off to Gargamel, believing that he was her beloved pappy. Of course, Gargamel smurfed out because he put an exploding spell on the blue clay that we smurfed up in that swamp, and now he thought Sassette was smurfing to be the death of him! Wouldn't that be funny if that actually was the case!

Sassette: Well, I sure don't think that was funny at all!

Nat: Anyway, Papa Smurf and us smurfed out to the forest to convince Sassette that just because Papa Smurf never originally planned to have another female Smurf "created" doesn't mean that we can't love her. Gargamel smurfed too eager to have Sassette choose to be with us since that meant he won't be smurfing kaboom.

Snappy: But he sure did go kaboom when Papa Smurf had that bucket of blue clay catapulted out of the village and it ended up smurfing Gargamel on his way home!

Reporter: Two years later, though, Sassette did smurf out the truth about herself, though an evil spirit possessed her at the time. After smurfing out that you've been a real Smurf all your life, Sassette, do you still think of Gargamel as your "father"?

Sassette: Thank smurfness that I don't anymore, Reporter. I never knew what made me believe that a human like him could ever change his ways for any Smurf, even me. I'm just glad to smurf a real family here in the Smurf Village, even if most of the Smurfs I was born with are now 100 smurfs older than me.

Slouchy: As a once-famous Smurf once said, thank heaven for little Smurfs!

Reporter: Well, Tailor must be grateful now, because since you Smurflings came into the village, there's been some real big changes in Smurf fashion. Like Empath's new star-smurfed suit, for one thing.

Snappy: Yeah, that was a real big surprise, all right!

Nat: We barely even knew Empath and already we were impressed by how he smurfed in that new suit of his.

Slouchy: (singing to the tune of "Forget Me Nots".) "Here comes the Smurf in black...the true village protector..."

Sassette: (doing her best Madonna) "Starlight, star bright, first star I smurf tonight..."

Reporter: From what I heard, you four smurf along pretty well with Empath.

Snappy: Hey, what can we say? He sure ain't no smurf-in-the-mud like all the others.

Nat: He doesn't act like he's stuck babysmurfing us, either. When he isn't so busy smurfing those adult Smurfs around, he likes to smurf around with us and suggest something interesting for us to do. Or sometimes we do the suggesting.

Slouchy: Empath's pretty cool. At least he doesn't squeal on us like Brainy.

Sassette: I can't believe Brainy's even Empath's brother, he's so annoying.

Snappy: Could be worse. We could end up being with that stiff Polaris Psyche, whom Empath calls his friend.

Slouchy: Now there's someone who doesn't know how to smurf fun around here. He's always so logical and emotionless, he acts like he smurfs from another planet.

Nat: Well, he is like a fish out of water...except that he can't smurf back home!

Sassette: I just wish there was a female Psyche he could smurf around with so he wouldn't feel so lonely.

Snappy: Right, like Polaris would know what to smurf with a female. He doesn't even seem that interested in Smurfette.

Reporter: Apparently, your music sure has changed how the adult Smurfs look at the culture around them. I mean, the last Smurfstock festival had some interesting acts like Smurfs Without Hats and Azrael Rocks. Aren't you afraid that these adult Smurfs may end up smurfing some of your glory?

Snappy: I've got six words to smurf on that, Reporter -- The Smurflings, often imitated, never duplicated!

Nat: Yeah, the grown-ups think they can smurf our music better than we can. But they're just following our style. There can never truly be another band that can match us.

Slouchy: Of course, I do like that one song from Azrael Rocks about the color pink! "It's my new obsession...it's not even a question..."

Snappy: What does Painter know about music, anyway? He can't even sing well with that accent of his! (Imitates Painter's French accent) "It'ze my new obsessionne...it'ze not evenn a questionne..."

Slouchy: He just wrote the song, Snappy, he didn't sing it!

Nat: Oh, did anyone remember that song Vanity did at Smurfstock? It was so corny! "I'm too smurfy for my shirt, too smurfy for my shirt, so smurfy it hurts,...!"

Snappy: Yeah, that's Vanity, all right...always singing about himsmurf!

(All four Smurflings laugh at that, as did Reporter.)

Reporter: Anyway, Smurfette has an album smurfing out soon that may make you all start to wonder what you're going to smurf for new material.

Snappy: Smurfette?!? She's smurfing music for an album?!? No way, Smurf!

Slouchy: Yes way, Snappy! I just smurfed about it from Spinner this morning. He's smurfing her songs onto disks right now.

Snappy: She's a goddess! I wish I could be 100 smurfs older right now just to be with her.

Slouchy: "She's my smurfberry candy girl...she's my smurfberry candy girl...!"

Nat: You know what we say to that, don't we?

All Three: One...two...three...HELLOOOOOOOOOO, SMURFETTE!!!

Sassette: (rolls her eyes to that.) Boy Smurfs, go figure! Anyway, I think Smurfette's got such a beautiful voice. I only wish I could sing like her.

Snappy: That's why you play the smurftable, Sassy -- your singing sounds worse than Sloppy's guitar playing! I'd rather listen to Mr. Grunge Rock than you anyday.

Sassette: Someday, Snappy, I will be a musician like Smurfette. Then I'd be smurfing into your sorry face every night! (Imitates Snappy's voice to taunt him.) "Oh, Smurfette, take me...I'll follow your smurfsteps to the ends of the earth...!" (Smooches in the air.)

Reporter: Well, I take it that all four of you are very big Smurfette fans. So you're not worried that her Ray Of Sunshine album might put your "Smurfbop" out of the Top 40 charts?

Snappy: Hey, if it's Smurfette, I can live with not being on top for a while!

Sassette: Problem is, Snappy, that you can't live without being with Smurfette! And that's one Smurf you can never have!

Snappy: Ooooh...it's just not fair! I wish Empath wasn't smurfing out with her. Heck, I wish I was Empath right now!

Reporter: From what it sounds like here, you Smurflings think that Empath and Smurfette are falling in love with each other.

Nat: Those two seem to be very happy with each other right now. I can't smurf either of them not wanting to spend forever with each other.

Sassette: Empath is so dreamy, I wish I was Smurfette so I can kiss him goodnight every night! I bet Empath is such a romantic Smurf, holding Smurfette ever so gently in those strong arms of his, with the wind smurfing through her hair.

Slouchy: I just think those two are so cool being together like that all the time.

Snappy: ARRRGGGHHH...It's always Empath, Empath, Empath!!! What about ME, ME, ME?!?

Slouchy: (singing to the tune of the Brady Bunch theme.) "Here's the story of a Snappy Smurfling, who is busy controlling smurfones of his own..."

Reporter: Okay, then, next question...what do you Smurflings think of the Imaginarium? It seems to be the most-smurfed about invention that's smurfed into this village.

Slouchy: Uh, it's really cool, but Smurfling Island was much better.

Snappy: What do you mean, Smurfling Island's much better, Slouchy? THE IMAGINARIUM ROCKS!!! You can smurf anywhere you want to in there, and you don't even need a grown-up!

Nat: I like the Imaginarium, too, especially when I can play as Tarsmurf, lord of the forest.

Snappy: Don Smurfo's my favorite. He really kicks some serious smurf. And he is one real ladies' Smurf, too!

Slouchy: (Imitating James Bond's accent) Just call me Smurf...Slouchy Smurf.

Sassette: Personally, I'd rather play with Smurfette outside the Imaginarium. These boys are just so dependent on things like the Imaginarium to have fun around here.

Snappy: Yeah, like you couldn't smurf without that dumb raggedy doll of yours, Sassy!

Sassette: Oh, look who's smurfing, Mr. Teddy Bear Smurfer!

Reporter: Before we start smurfing a fight here, just one last thing...what do any of you see yourself smurfing when do you grow up to be adult Smurfs?

Nat: I already know what I want to smurf...a forest ranger. I can smurf all the younger Smurfs everything about the forest, tell them how important it is to protect all living things, including the environment, and even smurf some poor helpless animals that happen to be in danger.

Snappy: Me? I want to be a hero, just like Empath! Anything more need to be smurfed?

Slouchy: I really don't know what it is I would want to smurf as a grown-up. I just hope that all four of us would still be together at that time.

Sassette: Well, I'm not in any hurry to grow up. Though I still would want to be like Smurfette when I do grow up. I just wish I could find somebody like Empath around that time.

(Baby Smurf comes crawling into the scene.)

Reporter: Of course, how could we forget our youngest Smurf of all? Baby, would you like to say something to every Smurf out there?

Baby Smurf: "Smurfbop, smurf a bop, I smurf a bop, smurfy smurfy do wop...!"

Reporter: (laughing) Well, I guess Baby Smurf will still be singing "Smurfbop" for some time to come. Do you have any comments about Empath?

Baby Smurf: Empath is cool Smurf. He wears pretty stars!

Reporter: That he does, Baby Smurf, that he does.

Baby Smurf: Empath do smurfbop, too. "Smurfbop, smurf a bop, I smurf a bop, smurfy smurfy do wop,...smurfbop, smurf a bop, I smurf...yeah, yeah!"

Reporter: Well, the voice of a young generation still has what it smurfs to keep the village smurfin' with some cool music for a good while yet. The Smurflings -- as they say, they're often imitated, but they can never be duplicated! Thanks for the interview.

Nat: Peace.

Snappy: Word up.

Slouchy: Chill, dude.

Sassette: Like, fer sure, totally!

Baby Smurf: Cool.

(As Reporter leaves the area, strains of "Smurfbop" can be heard in background.)
NOTE: Sassette is voiced in the cartoon show by Julie Dees, Nat by Charley Adler, Snappy by Pat Musick, and Slouchy by Noelle North.  Baby Smurf is voiced by the late Paul Winchell and by Julie McWhirter-Dees.

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