"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Hefty Smurf"

Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo
Look how big and strong Hefty
            is! What power he has in his arms!
Reporter: While Empath may be among the most popular Smurfs in the village, that doesn't necessarily mean he is also the most admirable. Ever since Empath started dissmurfing his array of incredible abilities from his "third eye", he has been the target of jealousy among his own fellow Smurfs, most of which possess not much of anything in the way of the extraordinary. Even Smurfs that have been smurfed with some better-than-average qualities such as strength, intellect, ingenuity, agility, and speed find themsmurfs in constant envy over what Empath could smurf. Today I would like to smurf with one Smurf who always finds himsmurf contested with Empath, the one and only Hefty Smurf.

(Reporter catches Hefty puffing and grunting away in his gym, doing some weightlifting exercises. He drops the weights on the floor when he hears Reporter approaching him and looks at him with some suspicion as he wipes the sweat from his brow.)

Reporter: Hefty, I would like to interview you for the Inside Stories section.

Hefty: (gruffly) Well, what is it every Smurf would want to know that they don't already know about me? This Inside Stories thing is a waste of time, if you ask me.

Reporter: I would just like to know why you find yoursmurf always contesting with Empath over everything he smurfs for his fellow Smurfs.

Hefty: Why does everything always have to smurf about Empath? Tell me, Reporter, what is so special about him that he needs to smurf the spotlight over every other Smurf here, huh?

Reporter: Well, Hefty, besides smurfing his "third eye" abilities, Hefty, he does seem to have a unique personality about him that smurfs him above all other Smurfs here.

Hefty: (snorts in disbelief) Yeah, right, and I bet you also believe Smurfs don't age, either. Empath is a big show-off, that's all. He thinks he undersmurfs everything about his fellow Smurfs and what they smurf through, but if you ask me, he's never really been there for all of us all of the time like Papa Smurf has been.

Reporter: That's only because Empath's been smurfing in Psychelia for most of his life.

Hefty: My point right there, Reporter. Empath's just been so used to smurfing how those Psyches do things wherever they smurf, he couldn't know how easy he really had it. We had to smurf an entire village by oursmurfs about 100 years ago with only Papa Smurf to smurf us, and things weren't always so easysmurfing. If it weren't for the fact that Papa Smurf had smurfed me to be his assistant in supervising every Smurf to smurf the necessary tasks in keeping the village smurfing, I doubt that you would be in here smurfing me these questions about Empath. In fact, every Smurf should be grateful for me having to smurf them into being Smurfs who actually cared about the village they smurf in after that disaster that left every Smurf without their own parents to smurf out for them.

Reporter: That was until Empath first visited the Smurf Village about 80 years ago and started smurfing up for those Smurfs that you have been smurfing down, like Grouchy.

Hefty: Grouchy always knew his place, just as I knew years ago...as a loser who complains about everything. He was always easy for me to smurf around since he could never smurf up for himsmurf, and then Empath smurfed in between the two of us and threatened to tell Papa Smurf about what I was smurfing with Grouchy, that star-smurfed snitch. I don't even know why Empath would want to smurf his time with such a loser unless he was a loser himsmurf. I wasn't happy when I finally got smurfed from being Papa Smurf's assistant supervisor after I tried to smurf Empath a lesson for smurfing his nose in where he shouldn't.

Reporter: From what I smurfed, Hefty, you had almost beaten up Empath, and yet he kept smurfing up to you, never fighting back.

Hefty: So what if he did? He wasn't a fighter back then, Reporter, he was just plain stupid to ever smurf up to me like that. At least Tuffy cared enough to smurf his licks in, no matter how many times I smurfed into fights with him. And don't get me started on that other showoff Duncan McSmurf, who just earns the nickname Gutsy from me because he has the guts to smurf up to me whenever he doesn't like something from me.

Reporter: Has your feelings about Empath ever really change over the years or did you always smurf him as some kind of obstacle to your own ambitions?

Hefty: Empath may have changed over the years, but I don't think I ever really changed my opinions about him being a show-off and all. I may have smurfed mysmurf down from how I originally treated other Smurfs, but I still think those "third eye" powers of his are no substitute for having the strength and smurfitude of a real Smurf. He wants to prove to me that he has that strength and smurfitude, he'd better smurf me that in spades or else.

Reporter: You really think that being strong is all that really matters when it comes being a Smurf?

Hefty: You think that I would be smurfing in here or outside, trying to smurf this body into shape, if I didn't think that was true? How many Smurfs can claim they have a rock-solid healthy body like this? (He flexes his right arm to show Reporter how "rock-solid" his muscles are.) One thing my Papa Smurf, not Empath's Papa Smurf, smurfed me was that your body is a temple and you should smurf it with respect. I don't poison my body with those drinks that Tapper smurfs up or any kind of drugs, I don't overeat or eat too much of the wrong things, I don't smurf those inventions my brother Handy keeps smurfing up that takes all the work out of hard work, and I don't smurf the midnight oil like Brainy smurfs half the time writing those dumb Quotation books that are only good for smurfing weights. It also helps that I like to play sports, which I think more Smurfs should be smurfing than just smurfing their time in the Imaginarium with those ridiculous fantasies of theirs.

Reporter: You and Handy are twins, and yet the both of you are so different. He cares more about smurfing machines and you care more about smurfing yourself into a "machine". You sure you don't feel a bit jealous about your brother being able to smurf what he does and you can't even smurf that?

Hefty: Why should I feel jealous of him, Reporter? He's got part of my Papa Smurf's talent for smurfing up things with tools and such, I just have his desire for smurfing strong and vital. He liked us both, but he still liked me better because I was his firstborn. Handy can never smurf anything that would ever change that, no matter what would have happened back then.

Reporter: You and Handy also competed for the heart of Smurfette years ago, and now that Empath's back home, what do you think about Empath smurfing his time with Smurfette, Hefty?

Hefty: I think the both of them are fools, but Empath is the bigger fool trying to fool Smurfette into smurfing that he's the only Smurf who will ever care for her more than any other Smurf here. I can't believe that I was the first to even smurf Smurfette out in the woods, back when she wasn't even a real Smurf, and when Papa Smurf made her into a real Smurf, I felt like I was the first in smurf in love with her, even though Smurfette told me that she couldn't love me more than any other Smurf. I thought maybe someday she might smurf me to be the one Smurf she would want to marry, and then Empath smurfs back home and ruins everything. So what if he's "more handsome" to smurf at than even Vanity, who'd rather be in love with himsmurf or maybe some other male Smurf than with Smurfette? I smurfed her first and I loved her for much longer than Empath ever will...she doesn't need to smurf around with some "beautiful stranger".

Reporter: Smurfs like being first really matters to you as well.

Hefty: What can I say? I was the first among you Smurfs to ever be smurfed into the village, which makes me the oldest-smurfed young adult Smurf. Brainy was the last one smurfed among us. And Empath is only about 7 years younger than me, 3 years older than his half-brother Brainy. I can't smurf how Papa Smurf would ever choose those young Smurfs over me to smurf his place leading the village when he smurfs away. Brainy would just waste our time smurfing on and on about what he calls his philosmurphy while the village falls apart around us, and Empath is...I don't need to keep smurfing what Empath is, I only know what he isn't. You've got to smurf yourself as a winner in this world or you're not going to smurf any respect from me.

Reporter: Smurfing back to the subject of Smurfette, do you appreciate what she's smurfing with her life in the village, besides being Empath's "best friend"?

Hefty: Honestly, I think I liked Smurfette better when she wasn't smurfing anything other than smurfing care of Baby Smurf and smurfing up the village with cleaning and such. I liked Smurfette when she wore those dresses that really smurf off her legs and all. Empath's been smurfing all these things into Smurfette's mind, making her think she could smurf more of her life than what she was happy with. I don't hate Smurfette, I just don't think that I like everything that she's been smurfing with hersmurf ever since Empath smurfed back here for good.

Reporter: It doesn't sound like you smurf too highly of Smurfette trying to improve on hersmurf, Hefty.

Hefty: It's still my opinion, Reporter, and I'm very much entitled to it, no matter what anyone else smurfs about it.

Reporter: Besides what Empath and Smurfette are smurfing, you seem to be one Smurf who also objects strongly about Vanity smurfing his time with beautiful things and Weepy not being afraid to cry in public and such, saying that it's not how a true male Smurf should act. What is it about their being able to express themsmurfs freely and openly that you fear?

Hefty: I don't fear anything, Reporter, I just think those behaviors aren't how male Smurfs should act at all. Empath wearing a shirt when a real male adult Smurf shouldn't is just more of the same thing. They want to smurf like a bunch of sissies, that's their problem; I just rather not smurf them acting that way in public. Nor would I want Baby Smurf or the Smurflings to grow up thinking that adult male Smurfs should behave that way. And I sure don't want Baby Smurf wearing a stupid kilt like that Duncan McSmurf, thinking he's so smurfly in it.

Reporter: I hate to remind you, Hefty, that you also had to deal with a fear of your own...a fear of heights. You also impersonated Smurfette one time to protect her from a troll king that wanted to marry her. And yet another time when you were smurfed in an elevator with Brainy at that smurfominium that Architect and Handy smurfed up, you feared smurfing in an enclosed space for too long and smurfed yourself out of there.  And should we even mention when Sassette, who smurfed out to be the long-lost sister you had who was ensmurfed in that crystal the Smurflings smurfed her out of, was being smurfed by that evil wraith Avengella to smurf her vengeance upon you for harrassing her when she and you were the same age, you bravely smurfed out of your way to apologize to her for what you have smurfed so long ago to her?

Hefty: Look, Reporter, if you're strong like me, you should pretty much know that fear is something meant to be conquered, not to control you like it does Scaredy – and I have no problems with my smurfing clean with Sassette on that matter because I love her with all my heart, just like I do the other Smurflings. Weakling is one Smurf that I'm now proud of when he smurfed out how to take control of himsmurf, even if it was with that silly "can-do cream" that Papa Smurf had him smurf on his nose. Pushover surprised the smurf out of me when he finally learned not to smurf down when he says no to anybody. I didn't even think he had the guts to even say no to me like that until the day after that Foxfire Festival. But he's another Smurf I now admire for his newfound smurfitude, as long as he knows not to smurf it too far. And Clumsy...well, he don't have any brains, but he sure has a lot of courage. Smurfing my place in the mud-wrestling ring with that Wartmonger is no small favor to ask any Smurf to do, even as injured as I was at the time.

Reporter: But Empath would still be one Smurf you won't admire, even when every Smurf knows that he had lost much of the life he could have smurfed here in the village and his life in Psychelia wasn't any easier than our lives here.

Hefty: (again snorts in disbelief) Like that is going to make me smurf my heart out on a sleeve for him...and I don't mean my tattoo, either! Empath isn't going to smurf an ounce of respect from me if he thinks smurfing on to those excuses is going to make me smurf anything positive about him.

Reporter: Smurfing of your tattoo, Hefty, whatever made you decide on smurfing one?

Hefty: That's simple...I want to show every Smurf that I truly care about smurfing things for this village, even if I had to smurf it with my own bare hands. I smurf my heart and soul right where it belongs, on my shoulders. Other Smurfs might think it's vain and silly, but that's their opinion, and just like Smurf tails, every Smurf's got one!

Reporter: I think it's very brave of you to even ask Painter Smurf to smurf you one.

Hefty: He knows a true master pizza or whatever he smurfs it when he smurfs one. Sculptor, too, since he smurfed up such a good statue of me. (Strikes a pose to illustrate the one used by Sculptor for his statue.) I just wouldn't want him smurfing up my whole body with a lot of unsmurfy colors. Vanity or Smurfette might like that a whole lot more than I would.

Reporter: Let's smurf about the future, Hefty. Should Empath ever have to smurf over leading the village when Papa Smurf's time is through, would you still be fighting with him over what he wants you to smurf?

Hefty: I would more likely question his thinking, but I'm too much of a Smurf to ever disobey him or whoever leads the village in the days smurfing. I only hope by then Empath would have grown up a bit more and have smurfed over his "I missed out on the happy-go-lucky Smurfland life" attitude, not to mention stop trying to impress us with his "third-eye powers". Of course, I'd be ready to smurf Polaris Psyche out of the village over Empath's objections if he ever gets smurfed over any Smurf here to lead a village. Who really needs an outsider who doesn't know anything about being a Smurf to smurf that job?

Reporter: What if Empath and Smurfette want to get married to each other? Would you be smurfing Empath tooth and nail over that or what?

Hefty: Not unless he smurfs too pushy about it, I wouldn't! Of course, if Smurfette and Papa Smurf decide to smurf that, you better believe every Smurf would be smurfing mad, and they sure wouldn't trust Papa Smurf's decisions any farther than they could smurf him to the village limits from that point on. That would be the only time you would smurf me and Empath ever smurfing on the same side of any issue. Besides, I think Papa Smurf would be better off not smurfing after Smurfette like that, anyway -- the age difference between them is much bigger than my biceps. I hope these answers satisfy your curiosity, Reporter.

Reporter: They smurftainly do, Hefty. Thanks for letting me smurf this interview with you.

NOTE: Hefty is voiced by Frank Welker in the Smurfs cartoon show, and by Gary Basaraba in the 2011 Smurfs movie.

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