"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Nabby Smurf"

Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo

 Nabby is just glad that Finicky isn't his name!

Reporter: Of all the Smurfs who tend to be annoying with their daily habits, there's no Smurf around that compares in his style of annoyance more than our fellow neighbor Smurf Nabby.  Like his brother Greedy, Nabby enjoys smurfing food, and the more food he smurfs, the merrier he is.  Unlike his brother, however, Nabby has no culinary skills to smurf back on, so he resorts to the only skill that he has -- filching food when his brother's back is smurfed.  Sometimes he manages to smurf away with his ill-gotten food gains, and sometimes he doesn't, but one way or another, Nabby will smurf a way to smurf what he wants!  Of course, he also has a problem with smurfing off with other Smurfs' things when they least expect it -- a habit that tends to drive his fellow Smurfs crazy to no end.  Today I'd like to smurf an interview with this infamous Smurf to find out why he likes to smurf what he does.

(Reporter finds Nabby sitting outside his house at a table, happily feasting away at some food.)

Nabby: Hi there, Reporter.  Hope you're not here to remind me of your favorite magical notepad that I misplaced when I was smurfing in your office yesterday!

Reporter: Don't worry about that, Nabby, I've found it again.  I'm just here to smurf an interview with you about what you smurf in the village and why.  I smurf that you have such a feast before you, I'm surprised that it hasn't made you smurf up like a balloon!

Nabby: Yeah, well, I'm the kind of Smurf who can eat like a horse and not smurf on any pounds, unlike my brother Greedy, who has to be careful how much he eats, since one time he smurfed himself so fat that he almost became a feast on Gargamel's dinner plate!  Of course, we occasionally smurf eat-off contests in the village that I like to challenge Greedy in, and usually it's either him or me that wins it, since no other Smurf in the village can eat as much as we can.  I enjoy smurfing my brother eating his own chef's hat whenever he loses an eat-off, but I don't smurf such a big fuss whenever I lose -- I just tell Greedy there will be a next time for the both of us.

Reporter: Of a Smurf who's born into a family of chefs, you tend to be the only one who doesn't smurf after either your own father or your own brother when it smurfs to cooking or baking.  Doesn't that make you feel jealous?

Nabby: I tried my hand at cooking and baking mysmurf, Reporter, but I never was any real good at it.  Anything I smurf in the kitchen always smurfs out to be overcooked or undercooked, and that really frustrated my Papa Smurf so much that he wouldn't let me smurf in the kitchen anymore.  My brother Greedy is also the same way, so yeah, it does smurf me just a little jealous that they can smurf any kind of food into a masterpiece and what I smurf with food always smurfs up as a big messed-up piece!

Reporter: So that's when you resorted to your current habit of smurfing food behind their backs.

Nabby: I always fancied mysmurf as "the Robin Smurf of the kitchen", smurfing food from the rich and smurfing it to the poor -- or in my case, smurfing food from the skilled and smurfing it to the unskilled!  At least, that's what I always told mysmurf, as if that would excuse all the stunts I have smurfed over the years with both my Papa Smurf and my brother Greedy, smurfing into the kitchen when no Smurf was looking at smurfing off with some delicious goodie they have smurfed themsmurfs.  Neither of them really liked what I smurfed on them, and would rather smurf me in the act than let anybody besides Baby Smurf smurf a free sample of their culinary delights, but hey!  What can a Smurf like me who can probably burn water on a stove do?

Reporter: I'd guess you can always smurf for your food, Nabby, like every other Smurf in the village does, and make sure that every Smurf gets their fair share of what Greedy smurfs in the kitchen.

Nabby: (snorts at that) "Fair share"...tell that to Greedy, because he is the worst when it smurfs to sharing food!  I smurf him at times sneaking food right out of his own kitchen, smurfing it away in his secret cubbyholes in his house...like even a Smurf like me wouldn't notice!  One time he smurfed this "golden goodie" bush outside his house, and he wouldn't let any Smurf have a single one of those goodies unless they traded him something for it, and given that I didn't have anything on hand to smurf to Greedy in order to smurf one of those tasty things, I was totally out of luck.  But when Greedy realized how much the other Smurfs didn't need things in order to make them happy, he ended up resmurfing all the things they traded for the golden goodies back to them, and Papa Smurf caused the golden goodie bush to resmurf back to Gargamel's place.  Still to this day I have never tasted a golden goodie!

Reporter: What I don't undersmurf is how you've gotten from smurfing food from Greedy's kitchen to smurfing things from other Smurfs behind their smurfs without even their permission.  Would you care to explain that?

Nabby: (sighs) I'm not sure I undersmurf how I smurfed up that bad habit, Reporter.  Maybe it's because hardly any Smurf pays any attention to me, just being another Smurf in a crowd of other Smurfs that all just smurf alike except for maybe their smurfonalities.  Papa Smurf -- the adult Smurf that became Papa Smurf after mine had smurfed away -- is just so busy smurfing after 96 other young Smurfs like mysmurf, including the ones that smurfed into the village over the past several years, that I feel I just get lost in the crowd.  Or maybe I'm just envious of other Smurfs having things that I don't have, and I'm not smurfing about just smurfonal possessions, so I have to smurf something of theirs just to be noticed around here.  I don't mean to smurf that kind of stuff just to hurt my fellow Smurfs, including some people like Polaris Psyche who don't even smurf like they could get hurt by my bad habit of stealing.  I just don't want to be ignored.

Reporter: I remember one time there was a rash of burglaries in the village, and all the Smurfs thought it was you, so they decided to smurf all those little alarm bugs that Handy had smurfed up all around the village in the hopes of smurfing you in the act -- but when all was smurfed and done, we found out that it was the Smurflings who smurfed those things because they felt ignored and unloved, and decided to smurf away from the village with some things to remember us by.

Nabby: (laughs uneasily) Yeah, I couldn't forget that night mysmurf...ironically, though, it started when Greedy smurfed into his own kitchen to smurf a midnight snack like he usually smurfs.  Little did he and everyone else knew that Brainy and Clumsy had smurfed those alarm bugs on Greedy's cupcakes, not to mention in a whole lot of places in the village, so that it started to trigger alarms one right after another!  I was so busy in dreamland at that point, I didn't smurf wakened up until the alarms got too loud for me to sleep.  But as much as I didn't like being awakened by those nine thousand alarms Brainy and Clumsy had installed around the village, I still didn't like being accused of being the village thief on the day the Smurflings decided to smurf away from home.  I'm only glad we got the whole thing smurfened out, and on top of that smurfing rid of all those alarm bugs by smurfing them to Gargamel. (Snickers at the thought.)

Reporter: Well, for a Smurf who doesn't like being lost in a crowd, you smurftainly know how to smurf out in one, albeit in the worst way possible.  I wondered how you felt about Empath when he first smurfed into the village and was learning how to be a Smurf after years of smurfing as a Psyche in Psychelia.

Nabby:  I felt that a Smurf like him needed to have some fun, because he smurfed so serious around other Smurfs when he first smurfed here that I wondered why he was smurfed up that way in Psychelia.  Me and Lazy were the kind of Smurfs back then who only wanted to smurf fun stuff all day, since smurfing all day working to keep a village up and smurfing for 20 years after our parent Smurfs have died gets pretty boring.  So one day me and Lazy smurfed Empath over by the waterfalls to play hooky from our usual work and studies...I smurfed the food and Lazy just smurfed the right spot for us to smurf back and just smurf whatever we wanted to smurf.  Of course, Papa Smurf wasn't too happy to find out what the three of us smurfed, but especially me and Lazy for smurfing Empath to go along with us.  But I wouldn't smurf back a single moment of that day if it helped make Empath feel more like a Smurf.  Nowadays, though, I don't smurf too much time with Lazy since he likes to sleep in a lot, so I just let him be.

Reporter: And what do you think of Empath now, with what he's smurfed in the few years since he left Psychelia for good?

Nabby: I think he's mellowed out over the years and learned to smurf time for himsmurf to have fun, especially with the Smurflings since they need a Smurf who knows what it's like to smurf in with a village of young adult Smurfs who are not like themsmurfs, always wanting to smurf fun with somebody.  He's helped us smurf rid of Gargamel, Azrael, and that pesky kid Scruple from the forest for good, which I can never thank him enough for since they're such big pains-in-the-smurf to deal with all the time.  He's got Smurfette in his life, and not just as his friend, but as someone that I can smurf that he is going to marry someday, which makes me a little jealous that I can only wish I was him.  He's helped her smurf that Ray Of Sunshine album that I enjoy listening to from first track to last, especially "Smurfberry Candy Girl", which is also my brother Greedy's favorite song.  He's even smurfed over as the village cook when Greedy was too sick and was smurfed in his house for a whole month -- and for a Smurf like him, his cooking is even better than Greedy's!  I didn't know Empath would be so talented in that area, it made Greedy's return to his duties rather hard on him because more Smurfs were wanting Empath to smurf over the job completely!

Reporter: (chuckles) I felt guilty of that mysmurf, Nabby.  I would have wanted him and Tapper to smurf into the business of providing a tavern-and-grill just for the Smurfs who wanted something other than Greedy's usual style!

Nabby: Well, Tapper wasn't interested in that idea, and said he would smurf down his tavern and not ever reopen it just to smurf the point across!  Empath himsmurf wanted to smurf out of the job, but boy, Greedy thought Empath was just itching to smurf over and decided he would be better off smurfing his culinary talents to someone who would appreciate them better...which was how Greedy got smurfed into the role of serving this greedy troll king who only cared more about smurfing his face than smurfing care of his only son.  Tapper, Empath, Smurfette, and Polaris had smurfed to Greedy's rescue when the king's son smurfed us what happened to Greedy because of that king, and after they smurfed home, Greedy and Empath became friends again and nobody was bugging Empath anymore about wanting him to be the village chef, or Greedy for his not measuring up to Empath's skills.

Reporter: So what do you think about Greedy teaching Smurfette how to cook, for the sake of her wanting to smurf Empath as his future wife?

Nabby: I never thought that a pretty Smurf like her would ever be interested in anything besides smurfing flowers and pretty dresses and smurfing care of Baby Smurf, Reporter.  I guess that if she wants to be Empath's future wife so badly, she would smurf anything just to make his smurfing forever with her like that an eversmurfing experience for the both of them.  Smurf, if there was another Smurf Village that had just female Smurfs in it, I would hope to find a female Smurf who's so talented at cooking and so willing to smurf forever just to delight me with her cooking, that I would smurf whatever it takes just to smurf her hand in marriage.  I only hope that my other bad habit will be history by the time we smurf to the altar.

Reporter: I'd hope so as well, maybe even before that.  I wouldn't want to have another being like Prozalek the mad gnome come smurfing to the village wreaking havoc with his uncontrollable powers just to smurf that amulet that smurfed the demon inside him under control.

Nabby: That smurfs the both of us.  I hope you've smurfed enough material from this interview to smurf into your Inside Stories column, because I've got a busy day of smurfing my face ahead of me!

Reporter: (laughs) Well, I'll leave you to your daily routine.  Thanks for letting me smurf with you.

NOTE: Nabby would probably be voiced by Greg Cipes, the voice actor of Beast Boy and various characters from the Warner Bros. 2003 cartoon show Teen Titans. His character is based on the original comic book version of Greedy.

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