"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Greedy Smurf"

Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo
Greedy with his
            most favorite thing in the world
Reporter: Recently we had an incident involving Empath and yet another Smurf who had influenced Empath's life since he visited the Smurf Village 82 years ago -- the village cook himself, Greedy. While Greedy was smurfed up in his house due to an illness, Empath had to temporarily smurf Greedy's role and prepare meals for every Smurf three times a day -- a task that already smurfs like more than what one Smurf alone could handle, and yet Greedy has performed this task masterfully and without fail. It wasn't until Greedy recovered from his illness that trouble was smurfing -- he was no longer appreciated for all the hard work he had been smurfing, and Empath was trapped smurfing a role that he felt really wasn't his to smurf. Does he still harbor bad feelings about Empath smurfing things that Greedy was meant to smurf in this village? Right now, Greedy should be smurfing out of his kitchen for his usual snack breaks.

(Reporter finds Greedy sitting outside his kitchen eating one of his well-known oversized smurfberry surprise desserts, obviously enjoying every bite.)

Greedy (his mouth full of food) Hey, Reporter, what can I smurf you for?

Reporter: Just an interview, Greedy. I can smurf that you're busy smurfing away on one of your desserts. How can you eat that much in a single day?

Greedy (wipes his mouth with his apron) Well, smurf at it this way. When you're busy smurfing in the kitchen all day trying to keep an entire village well-smurfed, you'd be lucky if you can smurf any time for yoursmurf to eat. This job isn't exactly easy for me to smurf every day, even with a few other Smurfs to help me out like my good friends Biscotti, Gelato, Vino, and Culinary, and besides that I do feel smurfed out when it's time to smurf off to sleep. But I wouldn't smurf this job for anything else in the world because I actually get to eat whatever I smurf up.

Reporter: You smurftainly do, Greedy. It surprises me that you hardly ever smurf up like a balloon when you eat like it's smurfing out of style.

Greedy: Only once did I smurf that way, Reporter. Of course, if it weren't for Papa Smurf and the other Smurfs smurfing out for me and my being overweight, I would've been the main course on Gargamel's dinner plate. For the most part, I try to keep mysmurf busy in the kitchen oversmurfing the work being done so that when I do eat a lot, it doesn't smurf to my waist. (Takes another big bite.)

Reporter: Apparently, smurfing in the kitchen must really smurf you a workout. You must be proud to smurf from a family of bakers to smurf your trade from.

Greedy: You must mean the great Baker Smurf, my Papa Smurf? He was truly the greatest village cook that ever smurfed back when I was a little Smurfling. My Mama Smurf, Suzette, loved everything my Papa Smurf could smurf up in his kitchen, especially his smurfberry surprise desserts. He really smurfed me and the Mama Smurfs in the village everything about cooking, but he always smurfed me that the male Smurfs would always be the best cooks in history because we knew how to smurf our food with true style and flavor. I must have really smurfed after him so well since there are times when my own fellow Smurfs would call me Baker instead of Greedy.

Reporter: (laughs slightly) I'm guilty of that, too, Greedy, just as I am guilty of calling your brother Nabby by your real name, since he likes to smurf away with whatever you happen to be smurfing.

Greedy: (looking sour when his brother's name is mentioned) Yeah, that really smurfs my buttons! Nabby is the only Smurf in my family that doesn't even have the gift for cooking food like I do, but he sure enjoys smurfing it a whole lot. That's why I'm always after him whenever he tries to smurf a four-finger discount on any kind of food I smurf for the other Smurfs. Even my Papa Smurf had to smurf him in the act because he particularly doesn't like filchers in the family smurfing food out of the mouths of other Smurfs.

Reporter: It's really sad that a great Smurf like Baker had to smurf away along with all our Papa and Mama Smurfs back then, and Empath's Papa Smurf had to become the village leader and father figure for all of us. How did it feel when the role of being the village cook was smurfed upon you like that?

Greedy: (almost has trouble swallowing) Truth to tell, Reporter, I was really scared. I thought that I had all the time in the world to smurf after the great master of cooking, and then my Papa and Mama Smurf were smurfed away. Empath's Papa Smurf, who I used to call Uncle Cully, must have smurfed the same way about his fellow Smurfs just smurfing away on him. It wasn't an easy time for us, and I had to learn how to lead other Smurfs in the kitchen just as Papa Smurf had to learn how to lead other Smurfs outside it. It's a good thing I had Hefty to help smurf the other Smurfs into working together, not to mention Tapper for making me believe in mysmurf.

Reporter: And let's not forget Farmer and every Smurf that smurfs in the food from both his garden and out in the forest, without which you wouldn't even have much to smurf in your job.

Greedy: I can't forget that! I hate it whenever there's a famine or a shortage of food because that means there's nothing for me to enjoy smurfing. The smurfberry famine Gargamel caused some years ago has to be one of the worst. Enough to ruin any Smurf's appetite right there.

Reporter: How does Empath smurf in as far as influencing your life, Greedy?

Greedy: That's a hard question to answer. All I remember of him initially was his reaction when I introduced him to a type of food that I didn't think any Smurf wouldn't recognize -- the smurfberry. He must have smurfed the same way that I did when I was a baby Smurf in my Papa Smurf's kitchen, that one smurfberry simply wasn't enough for him. I guess I can't blame him for smurfing that way, since he had been smurfing in Psychelia all that time and they don't even have smurfberries over there. But he must have one good sense of taste for someone who never smurfed a smurfberry before then, because afterward Empath began trying out everything I smurfed in the kitchen and could smurf me exactly how everything had tasted and what ingredients I should have smurfed or had smurfed wrong.

Reporter: Then Empath must have helped you become a better cook.

Greedy: Empath was fascinated by cooking, just as much as I was, but I hardly smurf him in the kitchen because he was always learning other things about how Smurfs live their lives. The few times that I did smurf him in the kitchen, however, Empath had smurfed up some recipes he found in my Papa Smurf's cookbook, and he smurfed them just as well and sometimes better than how I can smurf them up. It's not just desserts; it's also the main courses like smurfed peppers and spaghetti and sarsaparilla soup and all that. He made me feel so jealous that I just had to try smurfing those things better, if only to prove to mysmurf who the real village cook is.

Reporter: How did it feel when you had to smurf back and let Empath smurf your place from time to time as the village cook?

Greedy: Partly relieved, and partly smurfless. It's not that I like smurfing every waking moment of my life in the kitchen. There are times when I feel I want to be smurfed upon and catered to, just like every other Smurf, but I just know this village wouldn't smurf right without a Baker or a Greedy in the kitchen. And as I came to smurf out, Empath prefers his role as the assistant counselor a lot more than trying to smurf my role here. After he, Tapper, Smurfette, Grouchy, and Duncan McSmurf rescued me from that greedy gnome king that I had to smurf as his slave, I came home to find every Smurf no longer asking Empath to smurf on as the village chef and no longer smurfing on my case about how late my meals were or just smurfing me for granted.

Reporter: Back in the early part of this interview, you smurfed that your Papa Smurf taught all the Mama Smurfs how to cook. Now I'm smurfing that you're teaching Smurfette how to do the same, most likely because she's smurfing of Empath.

Greedy: Yeah, that surprised me, too, Reporter. I didn't think Smurfette would be that interested in one Smurf to even bother with me trying to teach her anything about cooking. She usually liked being smurfed on hand and foot, but somewhere along the line Smurfette must not have liked the fact that she was the only female Smurf in the village up until when Sassette smurfed along, and that all anyone really cares about is how attractive she is. I can't help smurfing that way about Smurfette, only because I'm a male Smurf, but Empath must have smurfed a whole lot more in her than any other Smurf could, including Papa Smurf. I'm very surprised that Smurfette could sing so well on her Ray Of Sunshine album, particularly that "Smurfberry Candy Girl" which always smurfs my mouth water everytime I hear it. I have that album smurfing in my crystal disk smurfer all the time.

Reporter: Nosey smurfed that during the recording of "Smurfberry Candy Girl", Smurfette actually allowed you to smurf in Orbit's studio and hear her and Empath sing it out. Is there any truth to that rumor?

Greedy: (savoring yet another bite) Mmmm...no question or rumor about that! But it was really Empath's idea to smurf me in there because Smurfette needed a Smurf to sing to about food just to make it smurf out right. Right after they finished recording it, Empath smurfed me up a smurfberry sundae I could have died and smurfed to heaven for! Smurfette must have enjoyed smurfing me getting all so excited and hungry for the sake of smurfing that song done. Empath told Smurfette that she shouldn't be teasing the animals, whatever that smurfs!

Reporter: (laughs at that) So you're not afraid of the possibility that Smurfette may end up smurfing to be a better cook than you, even if it is only for one Smurf like perhaps Empath?

Greedy: (laughing) The day when Smurfette smurfs over as the village cook is the day I will eat my own hat! But even though I'm jealous of Empath smurfing Smurfette's heart like that, I have no problem with what Smurfette does in order to smurf Empath's heart. I can only hope that I would be there to smurf the best wedding cake for them if and when Empath and Smurfette decide to get married. (Finishes his smurfberry surprise dessert and looks at his pocket watch.) Great smurfness, looks like I better start smurfing up help for dinner right now! Sorry that I can't smurf you anymore, Reporter.

Reporter: Well, you sure smurfed up a mouthful! Thanks for smurfing your time with this interview, Baker...I mean, Greedy!
NOTE: Greedy is voiced in the cartoon show by the late Hamilton Camp.

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