"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Smurfette"

Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo
Smurfette in
          her Ray Of Sunshine dress and hairstyle
Reporter: Now we're going to smurf our attention to the one Smurf that Empath's got his smurfs on -- our lovely angel in blue, Smurfette. Since her arrival in the village seven years ago, Smurfette has been the object of every Smurf's affections, and even I would be lying to mysmurf if I didn't say that I love Smurfette. Of course, in these past two years, Smurfette hasn't been the same young female Smurf that couldn't decide which Smurf she would rather be with for all time. Could it be that "the luckiest Smurf" in all of Smurfland has given her something that no Smurf could ever hope to offer her? Let's smurf with her and find out.

(Smurfette emerges wearing what looks like a watery blue dress similar to what Madonna wore for the Ray Of Light album cover, with similarly styled hair. She sits down on a deep furry sofa.)

Reporter: Well, that smurftainly is a new look for you, Smurfette. I used to remember you had a closet full of similar white dresses that I thought looked real smurfy on you. And your hair! It's so wild and a bit more feminine than it used to be.

Smurfette: (makes a brief face of disgust and then laughs.) I can't believe I actually liked wearing the same old smurf day after day after day. And after all those years, I didn't think anyone actually thought of how I smurfed wearing any of that, or even how my hair looked. Well, if it weren't for that imp Materielle, I would still be wearing those smurf-awful bland white dresses and that same old hairstyle. But anyway, thanks for the compliment, Reporter. I'm glad that some Smurf noticed! Brainy and Grouchy weren't very fond of that Materielle girl.

Reporter: Does Empath ever actually notice what you are wearing?

Smurfette: I think Empath smurfs a bit more of what's inside me than what I happen to be wearing. He doesn't make a very big deal about it, either way. All he ever smurfs is that I look beautiful no matter what I wear, and I feel happy about mysmurf when he says that.

Reporter: Apparently, you and Empath happen to be the constant talk of the village, since most Smurfs see the two of you together a lot. Are you two really in love with each other?

Smurfette: Right now, we're just very good friends. Empath and I...well, we're not yet at the point of really smurfing how we truly feel about each other, but I do feel this attraction to him, and I can smurf that he feels something toward me. He just isn't like all the other Smurfs...I mean, besides having these powers and a star mark on his forehead.

Reporter: You mean, he actually listens to you?

Smurfette: Right, and he doesn't smurf me as some bubbleheaded blonde! Of course, I wasn't originally blond, but then I wasn't originally a Smurf, either! (Laughs at that thought.) More to the point, he actually cares about me, about what I think.

Reporter: Now how does your relationship with Empath change how you feel about all your fellow Smurfs in the village, Smurfette?

Smurfette: I still love my fellow Smurfs, I just find it a bit harder to love them the same way I did seven years ago. I don't mean to hurt any Smurf's feelings, not back then and not even now, but even a girl Smurf has to find who she truly loves smurfer or later. Who would have known that somebody named Empath would smurf into my life like that?

Reporter: There's still persistent rumors that Papa Smurf's in love with you as well....I mean, like how every single Smurf in the village loves you.

Smurfette: Those are just rumors! Papa Smurf loves me, and I love him, but we're like father and daughter, not like Smurf and Smurfette here. Any Smurf who can't see that should go to Empath to get their smurf examined.

Reporter: Okay, getting back to Empath...do you think that the both of you would ever smurf the knot together?

Smurfette: Gee, and I thought this interview was about me. Well, if you must know, I'm still smurfing of who I would want to marry someday. I don't know if Empath's smurfing the same thing, but we're taking our time about it, and we'll smurf that bridge when we come to it, even if it means that Empath or me would smurf somebody else.

Reporter: What if that somebody else turns out to be his...uh, friend, Polaris Psyche?

Smurfette: Him and Polaris Psyche?!? Oh, please! Empath isn't even like that!

Reporter: Well, Empath and Polaris have been very good friends, and they've also been smurfed together a lot as well. You think there's something smurfing on between them that you should know about? I mean, how do you feel about Polaris?

Smurfette: Empath told me that Polaris is a bit too afraid of smurfing physically close to another being. And that I can honestly believe, because I never really smurf Polaris with any other Smurf except for Empath, and those two don't even smurf each other...well, in that sense! As for how I feel about Polaris...he's as courteous as Empath, though he smurfs a bit more distant, like he doesn't know whether to smurf like one of us or smurf back where he came from. I just wish there's somebody in his life that could care for him other than Empath.

Reporter: Now, onto another subject...most Smurfs don't think you have a real vocation here in the village, or that the best vocation you're smurfed for is taking care of Baby Smurf and the Smurflings.

Smurfette: Well, it's very brave and very typical of a male Smurf to say those things, but to get a male Smurf besides Empath or Papa Smurf to change Baby Smurf's didey is a real challenge. Most Smurfs would rather do anything else than that! Besides, what do most Smurfs know about nurturing anyway? Making things beautiful isn't any less a worthwhile contribution to the community than doing hard physical labor. Anyway, it gives me more time to be a people kind of Smurf than anybody else in the village.

Reporter: From the looks of things, you've smurftainly come a long way to change that image of yourself.

Smurfette: (doing her impression of Donna Summer) "I smurf hard for you honeys, so you better treat me right!" (Laughs) Well, since the last Smurfstock festival, I've smurfed my singing voice to good use. Already, with the help of Empath and a few other Smurf musicians, I've smurfed together an album of my own called Ray Of Sunshine. Spinner is busy smurfing my fifteen songs onto disks even as we smurf.

Reporter: Rolling Smurf says that your album will be more successful than the likes of the Smurflings, Smurfs Without Hats, and Azrael Rocks combined.

Smurfette: I don't wish for any Smurf with musical talent to be upstaged by what I can offer, though I think the village can live without the likes of Azrael Rocks and their cat-squealing guitar noises. I can still smurf their Nine Lives album in my sleep. (Rolls her eyes and shakes her head in horrid thought.) UGGH!

Reporter: Do you think you would have pursued a career in music if Empath wasn't around, Smurfette?

Smurfette: I probably would, but who would smurf me any real guidance? Empath believes in me enough to make it worth pursuing. It's just part of my journey from being what I used to be into what I want to be. All I needed was the right Smurf to give me any real inspiration to start the journey. And Empath has been that inspiration. He helped me find the right Smurfs for creating the music on this album, including Orbit, a keyboardist with some interesting if rather spacey ideas for melodies. He likes to be called the "2000 Smurf" for some reason.

Reporter: "Haven't we smurfed, you must be the luckiest male Smurf, you are the one for me, unlike any other male Smurf,..."

Smurfette: That's Empath, all right! (Laughs.)

Reporter: So what exactly is the overall theme behind Ray Of Sunshine?

Smurfette: I think it's about the power of transsmurfation. Like being changed from an artificially-created Smurf into being a real Smurf. Only now this transsmurfation is going from smurfly being satisfied with what I was originally to wanting something more to smurf from my life.

Reporter: Well, "Smurfberry Candy Girl" and "Blue Skin" sound a bit more...alluring than anything else on the album, like you're still smurfing onto the Smurfette you used to be...before Empath smurfed here for his 150th smurfday.

Smurfette: Well, what's wrong with that? "I'm not sorry, it's Smurfette's nature." Some Smurfs would want me to think that I don't enjoy smurfing at them all day! Truth be told, I think you all look very smurfy to me, I just don't make a very big smurf about it like you Smurfs do about me.  I do, however, like to tease Empath about the way he smurfs because he's just so cute and handsome to smurf at, especially when he blushes...not to mention that he doesn't smurf himself off very often, because that's the way he is.  I only wish he could smurf his shirt off a bit more and not be afraid of how he smurfs in front of anyone.

Reporter: Okay, let's look back to how you were seven years ago. Gargamel smurfed you up in his castle, he smurfs you out into the forest where Hefty finds you, he smurfs you back to the village where every Smurf believes you came from another village or somewhere, and then you almost flooded the village. Was that really you smurfing all that? Were you really as evil-minded as your creator was?

Smurfette: Confused would be the best word for it. If I was as truly evil as Gargamel, I don't think every Smurf here including yourself would be alive today, and we wouldn't even have this interview. (Laughs ruefully.) At best, I was nothing more than just confused about who and what I was.

Reporter: Did you find yourself feeling like you were at home among your fellow Smurfs when you first smurfed into the village?

Smurfette: I felt at least some connection with all of you, but I didn't really start feeling like a Smurf until shortly after Papa Smurf recreated me into a real Smurf. That was when I realized I had accidentally led every Smurf into a trap set up by Gargamel, whom at that point I started to smurf as a danger instead of my master.

Reporter: You smurfed a good impersonation of a male Smurf when you rescued us from Gargamel that time.

Smurfette: (laughs.) Why, thank you, Reporter. Of course, I never go so far as to smurf my head bald just to be like a male Smurf. Though I wonder how every Smurf back then would have reacted if I had gone smurfless [without a top]. (Blushes slightly.)

Reporter: Don't worry, I'm sure every Smurf would still respect you.

(Smurfette briefly removes her hat to tease Reporter, and then puts it back on her head.)

Smurfette: Sassette is bit more brave than I am when it comes to smurfing the old fashion trends. When we smurfed her a few years ago, she was wearing a hat and braids. Now she has a big ponytail and doesn't even wear a hat.

Reporter: Vanity would say that a Smurf that doesn't wear a hat isn't a Smurf at all.

Smurfette: He's just jealous that he doesn't have hair like I do, or like Sassette does. But I still feel like a Smurf no matter what I'm wearing. Or what I'm not wearing!
Reporter: Like the time you daringly smurfed au naturale for the Smurf Art Festival where you were chosen again as the subject for the art contest?
Smurfette: That was a one-time thing I don't wish to repeat, because it did make me smurf so embarrassed to smurf myself on display like that.  But I'd rather smurf through that again than having to smurf through premature aging when I smurfed out that some witch had used a spell of Syphonia to smurf me of my eternal youth and beauty.  Nonetheless, I enjoyed the results of what the Smurfs did from my posing for them, particularly Baby Smurf's, which I found surprising for a Smurf his age.

Reporter: Okay, let's talk about your relationship with Sassette. You two are so much different, she being like a tomsmurf and you being like a lady, and yet you bond together so well. Is it because you're the only two female Smurfs here?

Smurfette: Well, yes and no. It wouldn't matter if this village had nothing but female Smurfs in it, we'd still find time to smurf things that most male Smurfs wouldn't find smurfy for them to do. Me and Sassette are so fond of playing the princess game, which is basically guessing which Smurf either of us is thinking about and smurfing on a piece of jewelry for every correct guess. We basically just let each other into our own worlds. She gets to know what it's like to be like me, and I get to know what it's like to be a Smurfling. Sassette reminds me of the kind of Smurf I wish I were if I had been a real Smurf from the very start.

Reporter: Speaking of female Smurfs, would you like to have smurfed a village of female Smurfs someday...hyposmurfically speaking, of course?

Smurfette: Well, I guess so. I just don't know if I would want to smurf my name to something else if I even met another...uh, Smurfette? (Laughs.)

Reporter: Now let's smurf to the point where you found out that you were actually a Morph, one of those shapesmurfing beings that Gargamel and Papa Smurf at one time believed were nothing more than just inanimate blue clay. It must have been fascinating to know that you could smurf yourself into anything you can think of.

Smurfette: Actually, that was kind of scary. I must have been too used to being a Smurf to even think of wanting to be anything else. Of course, the female Morph that greeted me - if you could even smurf that a female - tried to make me feel like I was back among my own kind. Instead, she trapped me inside that pool of Morphs and I would still be there as a Morph if Empath hadn't brought Papa Smurf and Baby Smurf back to where we smurfed the Morphs in that swamp.

Reporter: Do you regret no longer being an artifically-created Smurf in that sense? Baby Smurf smurftainly did a good job turning you into a real Smurf that even Empath could no longer smurf the difference. That is what I would have to call a miracle.

Smurfette: I never thought Baby Smurf would be that capable of smurfing that myself. But as far as missing that portion of myself, I guess I still do think of what I could have been if I were still that kind of Smurf. Then again, being a real Smurf has always been something I wanted more than anything else in this world - well, other than wanting to find some Smurf to marry someday, perhaps maybe Empath.

Reporter: Besides thoughts of marriage, do you have any plans for the future?

Smurfette: Honestly, I like to smurf things one day at a time. Though there are also times I would like to have a Baby Smurfette of my own to smurf care of. I don't know if it's possible, but then again nature smurfs in mysterious ways, so perhaps someday....

Reporter: Well, Smurfette, I smurftainly hope to be there when your first bundle of joy arrives!

Smurfette: That reminds me, Reporter, I have to go and take care of Baby Smurf right now! Thanks for the interview!
NOTE: Smurfette is voiced by Lucille Bliss in the Smurfs cartoon show and by Katy Perry in the 2011 Smurfs movie.

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